Originally Posted by Prisca
You should start each phrase with "I love it when ..." or "I'd love it if ..." You need to show her, in a positive and respectful way, how you like your EN met.

Telling her to give you a "meaningful" hug or an "actual" hug judges the way she has given you hugs. Instead, be specific, and tell her "I'd love it if, when you give me a hug, you wrap your arms around me and squeeze." Don't label it meaningful, or any other term. Just explain it.

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Dropping your arms is not hugging someone, that's allowing someone to hug you.
That is subjective. This may be what dropping your arms means to you, but not necessarily what it means to someone else. When my dad hugs me, my arms drop, and I melt into his embrace like a little girl. And my dad feels "hugged." Very, very subjective.

I hesitate to say that this is all "semantics" at this point, but I totally understand where both of you are saying. I need to be certain that I don't DJ my wife by explaining to her how her hugs may or may not be "meaningful" in my mind. Instead I need to approach it with, "It would be great when you hug me that you wrap both arms around my waste and hold on for about 10-15 seconds." That is what I would love to have. Traditionally its been a arms at the side, then kind of a push away after 2 seconds. This isn't something that has happened in the last year, its been as long as I've known her. I'm not sure if it is proper anymore to analyze why, or even if it matters. I just come from a big "bear hug" type of family, so in my mind, anything but that doesn't feel so meaningful, you know? It DOESN'T mean that her hugs are not meaningful in anyway however, just a complaint of mine that I likely asked her improperly.

Things are going really, really well. Tonight we have a SF date which she brought up last night. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I wasn't expecting for it to be pushed off for some reason or another. For now let's just assume that it will happen. I want to make sure I do everything in my power and utilize everything in my body language so that she feels ZERO pressure about. In the past I suppose I'd get a bit too excited and maybe self-destruct a bit. Not today.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD