What would you say to a friend or brother who had your attitude? Wouldn't you want them to see how good life could be if they would only get out of their own way, soften their heart, and look at the world through new eyes? I'm not sure why your situation speaks to me, but I want you to have an Aha! moment where you see that things can be different for you. I feel like you are standing before the banquet of life, and you are starving. I don't know if you are into spiritual concepts, but I just finished this incredible book, The Mystery of Love, by Marc Gafni. He talks about Eros as the creative principle of life, and how passionate life can be when we engage in it.

I realize that this is probably coming off as preachy, but I don't want you to waste any more time being numb when you could be grateful for all that you have. Guess I better climb down from my soapbox now.