My DW arranged for babysitters for the night. I sent in a request to a buddy who is a chef at the best Sushi Restaurant within 30 miles. Chef came for a visit, hooked us up with VIP appetizers, desserts, etc, it was off the charts. I saw the wife I married as we were out, and it made me realize how important UA time is and how we fall in love in the first place. One night out for three hours of fun and it makes all the difference in the world. No fighting, no LBs, just fun between two people in love. Nothing better man. We went shopping afterwards for a bit, she threw some decorator pillows at me playfully and flirtatiously. I pointed out to my wife that I saw some other dudes checking her out, she said, "Well that is because you have a hot wife!" We left the night feeling wonderful about our time spent and about each other. A day and a half ago we were in a massive fight!!! There is NO excuse for not making time spent together a priority and my guess is 80% of us would not be here on this forum if we did just that. My wife and I have had some hard times and I'm sure more are coming, but if you are reading this, PLEASE, listen to the man and take the 15 hours of Undivided Attention seriously. Don't tear out that page of the book and pretend it doesn't matter. UA time is in fact the pillar of this program and Dr H told me personally that it was and that it was exactly what I should focus on among all other things.

If you don't spend time together you are headed for trouble. My wife and I were headed down a road that was certain to lead to affairs or divorce. Why? Because we forsake our marriage and put everything before ourselves. It doesn't mean that you should stop being great parents, it means, to be great parents you must be in love with each other.

Here is an illustration of what I mean. My wife and I have been fighting. If we are being responsible we do it away from the children. Sometimes we do it anyways. My six year old is smart and perceptive enough to know what is going on. She loves me, she wants to protect me, and she frequently comes up to me and hugs me and says, "Dad, I love you so much." She does the same thing to my wife. She has always been a great kid, but you know what, she never did it that much until the fights became so common. Why? She senses it. She knows there are problems. My wife and I are incapable of showing empathy for each other so who steps in? A six year old. She is trying to save the day, the only way she knows how. My six year old daughter senses that her Mommy and Daddy are in trouble and she is trying to save it herself. If that doesn't rip your heart out I don't know what does.

Moral of the story? Spend time together so your six year old isn't the one trying to save your damn marriage.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD