Hi Hilltopper,

I noticed something in your recent post that reminded me of...., well, reminded me of me.

It was my ease of willingness to suggest to my wife that she lie or that I even lie on her behalf. It was like I was telling her she wasn't strong enough to lie to get out of a commitment on her own, so I could demonstrate my great character and just rescue her by lying for her.

My wife could never put her finger on it prior to MB, but she discovered that I depleted a great deal of love units any time I suggested she lie, or that I lie for her.

I'm refering to this quote;

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I even told her that no matter who it is, use me as the excuse as to why she doesn't want to go anywhere because this is hard for her to do so. I've offered to send a text for her from my phone, or call someone and politely decline that we have plans already, etc. She has refused my help with this.

And then you proceeded to follow up similar to the way I used to.

I would suggest she tell little white lies and then I'd preach to her about morals and values, similar to what you do in the very next quote;

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
If my belief it is the courteous and moral thing to do to honor our commitments with others is damaging to my marriage then I will cease suggesting to my wife that will follow through again.

Both of what I've quoted can deplete love units quickly....

The first is dishonesty..... Kinda self explainatory!

The second is a DJ.

A DJ because you are suggesting she doesn't know what courteous, moral, honor and commitments are, so you'll just have to remind her. Oh yea, I forgot the part where you remind her she needs you to teach her about the importance of following through....... uhuh

I've been there done that..... ALL of that! And I always thought I was doing her a favor by pointing all these things out to her. (Not so much) She usually rewarded my valiant efforts with a lot of silence.

Being aware of an issue is about 70% of what leads you toward solutions....

Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.