Hill, I'll save you the money. Let me teach you how to express yourself better:

"How would you feel about ... ?"
"I'd like it if you'd ..."
"It bothers me when you ..."

That plus avoiding demands, disrespect, and anger, is all there is to expressing yourself.

The real problem is that when you express yourself and Grace doesn't respond the way you want, you respond with demands, disrespect, or anger. You don't have a problem expressing yourself; you have a problem wanting to control Grace's response.

Until you learn to graciously accept Grace's response even when it's not the response you wanted, you will be stuck here. Until you learn to graciously accept Grace's response even when it's not the response you want, you are making demands, and you can expect no improvement in your marriage.

Grace is probably not going to be enthusiastic about meeting your needs, long term, until she has seen a track record of you NOT responding with demands, disrespect, or anger when you express yourself and she responds in a way you do not want.