I figured there was a man in the woodpile. Who is the man? What happened? Did you have an affair? Do you still see him? Are you chasing this dude?
I did not have an affair though I was on the brink of an affair similar to N.S. in the Q&A Column posting: Escaping the Jaws of Infidelity. The infatuation had gone on for over 2 years (at this point). I have not talked to this man about any feelings that I have for him. He has a woman and is trying to make his relationship work. He is a friend of our family; I would see him when he came to our home.
Have you told your husband about your inappropriate relationship with another man?
I have told my husband about my feelings for him. My husband is neither interested nor concerned.
When this infatuation began, the man and I were just "playing" around. We would challenge each other, debate, conversate, enjoy each other's company (all in DH's presence) so it just seemed like harmless fun and completely acceptable. He would be the first to comment on my FB pictures so I felt I could send him a message. He'd respond. We wrote emails on different topics. A lot of little flirtations. ...until it wasn't "harmless" anymore. I know the exact date that something changed for me. That's the gist of the story.
I became so concerned about the things I was feeling and thinking that I started looking for help. I bought a lot of books; I found this site. I read up on the MB principles. It all makes sense to me. I never even heard of EA or acknowledged ENs before I started this research. I wanted to be "over" this infatuation immediately: I needed a quick fix. It wasn't so easy.
Something about the idea of trying to fall in love with DH makes me nervous, too. It's just that: if I fail (to fall in love again), that means my entire life is going to change and the lives of my children.
But DH and I had UA time last night (as well) and I feel that I am on the right path. I noticed something last night, though: DH behavior is going to remain the same. DH already says that I meet his needs, that he is in love with me, and that I am the one with the "problems". I am going to have to fall in love all over again even though there is obviously something about his current behavior that is not meeting some of my needs.
At this point, I was going to focus on recreational companionship. I should focus on one thing at a time, right?
DH and I did not have time to go through the recreational questionnaire yesterday. (We went on a date.)
I am going to start making some suggestions to him today about activities that we can begin to try out together. What do you think?