I can confidently say that DH was fully aware of my feelings for OM. I have completed this exposure to DH: the radical honesty.
This confession occurred quite some time ago. We do not speak of this anymore.
The LB-ing that I have been doing amounts to me: constantly
complaining about how dissatified I am, how I just want to run off, being irritable (seemingly out of nowhere), etc. So while we don't speak of my "infatuation" anymore directly, I am aware that some of my LB-ing behavior may be attributed to those feelings.
And you both need to quietly step away from the OM and cut him out of your life.
I shut down my FB, we do not communicate via email anymore, and we hardly ever cross paths. I believe that we are on the road to removing him from my
life (and vice versa). (I believe that) just as much as I need him out of my life for my relationship, he needs me out of his life for his new relationship. But he is DH's friend. DH has refused to allow my "feelings" to interfere with his friendship.
I understand the concept of NC for life. A year ago, I wanted to do NC for life and my chest hurt (thinking about it). Now I believe I could manage it fine if DH would just let go of the friendship. And I really genuinely "get it"...how vitally important it is. I have felt "over" (or nearly over) this infatuation so many times, then we would all hang out, have a fantastic time together, and I'd be a complete mess by the next day. I'd have to climb that hill all over again. I don't want to keep going through this process.
But I have decided not to approach DH directly to bring about this result (since DH has declined). I hope that if DH and I begin doing more activities together, spending UA time...then, naturally, he will have less time for the friend.
I have no plan in place for leaving DH or breaking up the family. But I do realize that things have to change. I cannot constantly live under that sort of stress nor can the family.