Your son wants the truth of his life.

He wants to understand if what he lived was "real" or not.

That time - when you and he did such-and-such - was that while you were with the OW, or was it a real family time? What did it mean to you? Did you love him then? Did your cheating on Mom mean you cheated on him?

That's what your son is asking you.

He also wants to protect his mother. He wants to hear you confess because he is a MAN now, not a "smart guy" trying to stand up to you. He wants to hold you accountable because he feels that someone needs to stand up in the family - and when the father of the family falls down, the SON stands up. It is what men do - what sons do - what YOU taught him to do......isn't it? YOU taught him to protect the family, to stand up for his mother and sister.

He is doing that.

What he is asking for now is to hear the truth. From you. Man to man.

If you want to earn your honor back, respond with respect and dignity, IMHO.

Call him, and tell him that you would much rather do this face to face, man to man. than in a letter. You want to take a day, to answer his questions, so that you can be sure he knows that your responses are truthful - that too much is lost when things are written, and that so much more can be said and conveyed in person. And that when the two of you meet, he can record it if he wants, and you two can talk anytime, and you will always be available to answer questions about this, because of all the things you meant to teach the family - having an affair was NOT one of them.

That's what I would do.


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.