How do I say this...

Recovered, definitely. Life's problems are the day to day problem you long for.

Recovered like you are hoping for, I don't really believe that ever happens, because affairs happen to your friends/families/coworkers, keeping that wound from completely scarring over and becoming a gone thing. (i still have scars from when I was a child, and I have no pain of it, but I recall it and the experience) and that describes most of my days now, in relation to the A.

Now... part two. Trust = Forgiveness, they are both decisions you get to make. You choose both, and the amount you apply. I believe that if you do the proper amount of work during your separation on yourself, you will become prepared to recover completely (yourself). You completely recovered means you are now a healthy independant being.

I chose to trust early on at too high a level for most people to be comfortable. But, I forgave her before she even confessed...so, I had a firm decision in my head already. But, when my wife came back, I believe she understood I was resolved. My determination was set, she was allowed this one mistake, and only once. No repeats, no dragging it out. I can firmly state, even today, one and done. If it happens again, I will pack the bags and leave. No games.

I do think that is critical. Knowing what you will not allow. Do I trust her now? I choose to trust. Do questions arise at times, sure, it's human nature. I dismiss them as I refuse to operate in fear. Her actions (that is the part she plays in actually earning trust) state she is 100% on board. (and now advising people about such ideas of affairs nowhere near worth the temporary satisfaction they provide).

brain -- second marriage for both of you... did your first ones end in affairs? were you two the affairees?


9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.