Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 12 of 72 1 2 10 11 12 13 14 71 72
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Just had a discussion with WH about why I wasn't happy. His attitude makes me want to vomit. I especially wan't happy to find out that he "disappeared" last night to his condo without me knowing.
I'm Ok

I hate to tell you this, but just the fact that he is running from your family and this forum is a big red flag that he is not serious. He was only serious enough to throw you enough crumbs to get you out of Plan B. Like tst noted, he is behaving exactly like he did when he was faking it. The reason he dislikes the forums is because we have good bullsh** detectors and he doesn't like that. If he were serious, he would have nothing to run FROM. I would keep a very close eye on this one.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Melody, I agree with you. I felt that he told me what I wanted to hear to get me to open the door for him. Now I am hearing that he is NOT willing to do whatever it takes.
He hasn't really shown that he is serious yet. All talk, very little walk.
I am upset with myself that I didn't keep that bar high like I had told myself to and allowed myself to get weak and needy. I had let him steam roll me and throw my requirements on the back burner. I won't let it happen again!

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Let me put it this way, a WS who is serious will stay and ardently try to PROVE it. A WS is not serious will run because he can't prove it. There are too many bullshi**ers here for him to be able to pull a fast one.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Let me put it this way, a WS who is serious will stay and ardently try to PROVE it. A WS is not serious will run because he can't prove it. There are too many bullshi**ers here for him to be able to pull a fast one.
So back to a dark Plan B until he can meet your requirements?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Quote
SH will sell him on this better than any single person here could, making him worth every dime.

Personally, once a BS is in plan B, they shouldn't need to sell their WS on any program..... They shouldn't need Steve or anyone else to "sell" anything to them either.


The WS should NEVER be in a position to negotiate their return. They either agree to the requirements that are spelled out in the PlanB letter and/or the requirements spelled out prior to coming out of PlanB..... There is no sell job necessary! They either agree to it or the BS remains in PlanB.

As in this case, when a WS agrees to the requirements, he either follows through or the BS re-enters PlanB again.....

Kiss is clearly reneging on his requirements!


A WS doesn't "deserve" a second chance.
They "deserve" a divorce.
The grace of the BS allows for a second chance (if they so choose)!





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Plan B was very, very difficult for me and the kids and I would loathe to have to return to it.

I do think I need to seriously consider if I am still willing to work on this marriage when he is not. No matter what I do, I still have to carry the scar of his affair on my heart everyday for the rest of my life....

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Kiss reminds me of myself while I was in the beginning of our False Recovery......

It all began when N/C wasn't being honored by me.....

I question whether Kiss is still N/C.....










Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
A large part of the problem here is that there never was a plan B. Hence the false recovery, I'm sad to say.

Plan B IS hard, RQ, but can't you see how much harder THIS is??? Death of a thousands knives...


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
tst - please don't say that!

SunnyD- I know. I would plan D before I did Plan B again, though. I can only give someone so many chances.

Last edited by Rocketqueen; 05/15/12 02:06 PM.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
{{{{{{{{{{{RQ}}}}}}}}}}}}}





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
RQ, it might not be what you want to hear, but the fact that you took the step to open the door for him to come home, and he has excuses not to is very fishy.

HE is the one who screwed up, he should be chomping at the bit for a chance for redemption and reconcilliation.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Thanks HHH. You would think so, huh?

I feel totally broken hearted right now. Kiss took his clothes that were here and left tonight. I felt it was the right thing to do right now until it we seem a little more stable.
Can I scream and cry that life is not fair??! Why must I continue to be in pain and hurt for something that was not my own doing?? My family is upset with me, my WH finds me unworthy and I am just so lost.
When will my life ever be "normal" again? I hate this hurt..


Last edited by Rocketqueen; 05/15/12 09:39 PM.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Thanks HHH. You would think so, huh?

I feel totally broken hearted right now. Kiss took his clothes that were here and left tonight. I felt it was the right thing to do right now until it we seem a little more stable.
Can I scream and cry that life is not fair??! Why must I continue to be in pain and hurt for something that was not my own doing?? My family is upset with me, my WH finds me unworthy and I am just so lost.
When will my life ever be "normal" again? I hate this hurt..

I'm so sorry, RQ. As hard as you believe Plan B was - just remember - it was that hard because you weren't really IN it. Plan B, done correctly, will bring you relief. Doesn't mean it won't hurt, but it's much better than THIS.

(((((ROCKET)))))


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
It has been exactly 6 months since d-day#1.

Seems like yesterday...

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
It has been exactly 6 months since d-day#1.

Seems like yesterday...
Read these by sexymamabear. Your stories are similar.
Sexymamabear's Thread
Sexymamabear's Threads
SMB's Thread



FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Thanks for the links, BH. I had read one of her threads awhile ago and have been wanting to re-read it. I don't think I realized there was more than one though! Hopefully it will quiet down here at work so I can read them smile

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
*deleted

Last edited by Rocketqueen; 05/17/12 11:08 AM.
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Herpapabear - would you mind sharing about the fall of '07, during the FR?

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Herpapabear - would you mind sharing about the fall of '07, during the FR?
Have you read his thread?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Did you go into Plan B?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Page 12 of 72 1 2 10 11 12 13 14 71 72

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,071 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5