One thing Dr. Harley says is that if the husband is on board with the Marriage Builders program, the chances for the marriage are very good, much better than if it is the wife who is on board and the husband reluctant. The husband has greater potential for being able to win his wife back to the marriage by making love bank deposits.
Markos, can you provide a quote or context for that? I'm curious as to Dr. H's logic behind that. I would think it's the other way around - it seems to me that a wife, once checked out, is harder to bring back than a disengaged husband. Just curious.
Oh I wish I had an exact date or link for you. He says it frequently on the radio. He also adds that he is harder on men than women, for that reason!
Typically it is up to the husband to be the "pump primer," the one to meet emotional needs when his own needs are not being met, although occasionally a wife can be successful at that, too. He also says women suffer much more, physically, mentally, emotionally, from trying to meet their husband's needs when their own needs are not being met, than men do.
If you were to go through the radio archives and listen to the entire month of May, 2010, you would hear Dr. Harley make the statement I am referring to. I know this because I just got done relistening to May, 2010. I'm sorry I don't have an exact date.
If you listen to every show daily for the upcoming month, there's a good chance you would hear it as well, because Dr. Harley does say this frequently.
If you listen to the radio clip links I posted above, you will hear how much emphasis Dr. Harley gives to this betrayed husband on the way his marriage will turn around if he really, really gets after meeting his wife's emotional needs and keeps it up even if it is difficult and extremely discouraging for awhile.
Whenever I get discouraged about my marriage, I ask "Is my wife in love with me at the moment?" If the answer is "no," then I remind myself "Well, then, let's revisit this issue once she is in love with me, and in the meantime I'll see what I can do to address her current complaints and make larger love bank deposits than I have been making." I always find a couple things I can address, and when I do, inside of a couple of days, things start to get better, every time.