Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
She is ignoring me. How can I do plan A?


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
Are you home yet?


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Yes I'm home. She is adamant that she is leaving to be with OM. I'm losing hope.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
I have also told her family about the affair


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Originally Posted by Qwer
Yes I'm home. She is adamant that she is leaving to be with OM. I'm losing hope.


Great job Q!weightlifter

If WW is adamant about leaving you for OM, then why won't she tell you who he is. That doesn't make sense.

Ignore the fogbabble Q and get to work on setting up keyloggers etc.

Cool and calm. Don't let WW draw you into a fight. Cool and calm.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
She's not fighting. She keeps crying while talking to me. Which I assume is because she is torn inside as well. But at the same time she is adamant that she has chosen OM and will leave at the end of the month after sorting out her work. She says she's resigning from her work and moving back to her hometown.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Originally Posted by Qwer
I have also told her family about the affair

Did you ask them for their support in helping you to keep your family together? What did they say when you exposed?


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
I am really tired and battle weary. I don't know how long I can take this anymore.

How did u guys manage to do this? How did u guys manage the heart pain?


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Yes they do support me and they could not believe it. We have always been a loving couple.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Originally Posted by Qwer
I am really tired and battle weary. I don't know how long I can take this anymore.

How did u guys manage to do this? How did u guys manage the heart pain?

It was the fight of my life to keep my family together. I looked into my kids eyes for strength. My kids gave me the strength.



ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
Make it clear to her that your daughter isn't going anywhere.

The way you save things is basically by not making her departure easy. Let her know that if she leaves that you will file for abandonment, will request sole physical and legal custody of your daughter, and will make her pay child support.

(You won't get all of that, but you demonstrate to her that you are willing to fight for your marriage and aren't going to just lay down and let her walk out without a fight.)

You then tell her that the marriage can be rebuilt and that you're happy to make it happen with her, but that there will be no friendship between you if she leaves.

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
I don't know if I can do this. She is so adamant


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
Also, don't be weepy, whiny, or desperate. That is not attractive. Be James Bond. Be cool, calm and collected, as if you're a man who has a plan and is determined.

I say this as a man who has been in your shoes and did the opposite.

Your actions will all tick her off, BTW. Any disruption of her affair will upset her. Think of it as taking the crack pipe from an addict. The addict doesn't just say, "thanks!"


Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
There are no guarantees that you'll be able to save the marriage. I can guarantee that you won't be able to if you don't kill the affair, which begins with exposure. Find out who OM is and expose to his wife or GF. Odds are high he has one.

Give us some more details of your situation. Is she planning to leave with your daughter? Has she filed anything legal?

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Originally Posted by Qwer
I don't know if I can do this. She is so adamant

Q, if she were so adamant, she would be gone. you are in a good position. please take the advice from the other BHs here - they know what they're talking about.

now that you're home, get going on investigation! surely your wife has facebook? goodness knows, everyone else does. you'll probably find everything you need re OM there.

but...can i add: do NOT enable her affair. if she is so adamant, she can go now! don't allow her to wait out the time, until he is ready, in your home. it is very likely he is married and stringing your WW along. cut off her finances, her internet, her phone (once you have your evidence that is) and let her cope with handling her adultery herself! you only do marriage, and marriage does not include adultery partners.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
There are no guarantees that you'll be able to save the marriage. I can guarantee that you won't be able to if you don't kill the affair, which begins with exposure. Find out who OM is and expose to his wife or GF. Odds are high he has one.

Give us some more details of your situation. Is she planning to leave with your daughter? Has she filed anything legal?


She is not planning to bring my daughter away. She recognizes that my daughter will be better cared for at my home.

No she has not filed anything legal yet. She has no knowledge of how to go about it. So if she really leaves, shall I file anything? Or wait for her to figure out.

Last edited by Qwer; 06/01/12 10:29 PM.

Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Originally Posted by Qwer
She is not planning to bring my daughter away. She recognizes that my daughter will be better cared for at my home.

Don't believe this Q. She is setting you up. You can count on WW setting up a new home with OM and then coming back for DD.

Count on it.

See a lawyer and find out how to protect yourself and your daughter.



ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Q
Qwer Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by pokerface
Originally Posted by Qwer
She is not planning to bring my daughter away. She recognizes that my daughter will be better cared for at my home.

Don't believe this Q. She is setting you up. You can count on WW setting up a new home with OM and then coming back for DD.

Count on it.

See a lawyer and find out how to protect yourself and your daughter.


When should I start seeing a lawyer? ASAP or when she leaves.


Me: 32 BH
Her: 29 WW
DD 3
D Day: 20/05/2012
Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Qwer
She's not fighting. She keeps crying while talking to me. Which I assume is because she is torn inside as well. But at the same time she is adamant that she has chosen OM and will leave at the end of the month after sorting out her work. She says she's resigning from her work and moving back to her hometown.

Ask her if she wants a ham sandwich! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
Find out who OM is and expose to his wife or GF. Odds are high he has one.

I agree that OM is most likely married. That is why WW won't tell you who he is. WW and OM are hoping to both get divorced first and then make it look like they got together AFTER their marriages were over.

Exposure will kill this fantasy bubble.

I can't say this enough Q. Your WW is NOT going to give up DD. She will be back to get DD from you. You need to be really smart here. Get some legal advice.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Page 3 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5