I keep arranging for babysitting and inviting her on dates, and she keeps refusing. She says that she feels guilty for the time she spends away from the kids at work, and only wants to go out on dates with me once per month. I made offers twice this week and both were refused.
She also says she doesn't want all the conversation time that I have proposed. She will only agree to 2x - 3x per week.
Okay, she is declining the dates because she is in withdrawal. Also, the thought of formal "conversation time" with you probably terrifies her! She will not want to embark on a plan to restore romantic love, because she doesn't want to be with you.
So start making smaller deposits. Do you call or text her during the day?
Meantime, keep arranging chances to go out. And what can you do at home that you would both enjoy, after the kids are asleep, or in the morning? Don't tell her any of this is part of a plan to restore romantic love or save your marriage or get your needs met or anything. Don't tell her the theory; just engage in the practice.
"Hey, would you like to go to the rock show?"
"I've got a great recipe I want to try tonight after the kids are in bed. Want to join me?"
You're going to have a beautiful monster on your hands when she comes out of Withdrawal into Conflict and is finally willing for you to meet her needs but not willing to meet yours (yet). To get there, you'll have to start making more deposits. Make them, post about them here and get feedback for how you can make more.
