Excellent analysis, BWS71! The only thing I can think to add is the importance of 15+ hours of undivided attention time per week. <------this is the magic key to this program. This program does not work without this step. In fact, when Dr Harley was in private practice, he would refuse to work with couples who would not commit to the 15 hours per week.

That is because this program does not work without it. It takes 15 hours to MAINTAIN romantic love and 20-25 to create romantic love. This time should devoted to meeting the top 4 intimate emotional needs of conversation, affection, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment. The focus is on these 4 needs because these will give you the biggest bang for your buck and fill the love bank the fastest. Ideally, this time should be spent out of the house in 4 - 4 hour blocks on dates. The dates should be scheduled at a time when you have good energy, not late at night when you are exhausted.

When we went through the MB program, this is one of the first steps we took. We were taught to sit down and schedule the next week's activities by writing out times, dates, etc. It is harder to put off something that has been scheduled.

This should be your FIRST focus becuase you will find all of your efforts will reap very minimal return if you are not doing this. That will lead to discouragement. I cannot emphasize the importance of this step, because this program DOES NOT WORK WITHOUT IT!

You will notice a marked and dramatic difference in about 8 weeks if you do this.

Here are some of Harley's articles about it:

The Policy of Undivided Attention

Caring for Children Means Caring for Each Other

I emphasize this critical step, because many make the mistake of cutting this step and then wonder why their marriage does not improve. They get discouraged and conclude the program doesn't work. Well, it doesn't work without this step! If your marriage is not improving within 8 weeks, I would go back and take a hard look at the quality of your UA time.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101