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Scotty, you are an amazing woman and mother!

Your strength and honesty are remarkable. Your boys are lucky!

And we are lucky to have you here.

hug


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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Didn't know if you saw this.

Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Dr. Harley explains the concerns with blended families in this clip. It's also our poster optimism and his fiance's call.

Dr. Harley explains daughters would have the most trouble with stepmom and sons will have the most trouble with stepdad.

Scotty is on the right thinking. Please Tell me what you think. Dr. H also says it can be done if the marriage is first and kids are second. That is why they usually fail because the parents put the kids first.

Radio clip of opt's call
Segment #2
Segment #3

Dr. Harley also recommends POJA for the blended family and the parent do the only discipline. Without doing those two key factors the divorce rate then becomes 85%.

My own personal experience going through a divorce ATM is I could never imagine doing this in a relationship with another person. The emotions are so raw, changing by the second, and logical thinking can get all skewed. I was thinking if I had a man next to me...he would likely be helping me demonize my deplorable WH (although he may deserve it...it shapes you towards disrespect)...he would automatically have an advantage over my feelings because of their extreme sensitivity...and last but not least he would never get the real, healthy me because I am masked by grief and chaos.

Even though I am following logic with this divorce ... I am still fogged out by emotions. I am still not in my right mind. I am still not healthy for anyone.

Anyone who takes a mate before divorce will never get a good mate. I just cannot see how that could ever be possible. The relationship is starting on such rocky, sandy foundation.

I will forever take the stand to never ever get into a relationship while still married, no matter how much you already feel divorced. Divorce will bring about so many emotions ... staying logical is challenging (even if you have healed yourself quite a bit). Time after divorce is crucial, and if you want to live a happy, healthy life this is truly the best path to take.

My4Loves #2638673 06/22/12 07:30 AM
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Scotty, I read your update. Glad you're still hanging in there. You're an inspiration and the world is a better place because of you.

I'm in healthcare and I'm a little concerned about your symptoms, but it sounds like you are doing what you can do. Please keep a close eye. I don't think the Dr. meant for you to stop exercising, just boxing as it is impactful after all.

I have to tell you that this is one of my favorite jokes.
Originally Posted by scotty
And it reminded me of a joke that my dad told me when I was a child, where a man when to the doctor, and said, "Doc it hurts when I do this," as he raised his arm above his head and the Doctor's answer was "Then stop doing that." That's supposed to be a joke, not real life.
It's Henne Youngman. I believe from the depression era. Just died not too long ago.
He also said:
Patient told his doctor "Doc, I broke my leg in two places." Doctor says "stop going to those places!"

opt


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
optimism #2638731 06/22/12 11:24 AM
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(((((((((((Scotty))))))))))))))

Your update both made my heart stop with worry and my heart sing at how wonderful you are. What a blessing you are to those boys, especially when the "man" in their lives is on the wrong path. You are the light for them and I have no doubt they will grow into fine men. Please keep an eye on your health and do keep exercising!


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Scotland #2639196 06/23/12 11:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Scotland
Did anyone actually make it to the end of this long post?

Yep. smile

Hope that the last test turns out ok for you. Take care.


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Originally Posted by Northwood8900
Originally Posted by Scotland
Did anyone actually make it to the end of this long post?

Yep. smile

Hope that the last test turns out ok for you. Take care.

Gotta admit I have not been following you as much because you have done so awesome.
But that simply means I feel you have come full circle on the average male fantasy ride so many end up on, and you passed the test.

"Whew!, reality, what a concept"

My best to you Scotty a true woman in every way


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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scotty, glad to see you back. can you pop in on jenn at lonely and losing hope thread? she's got a question on how to handle DS4 and phone calls to WH.

cheers.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
Scotland #2642894 07/06/12 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Scotland
RS, I would say that "I'm okay" but honestly, that would be my public image. When I am really upset, I sort of cocoon myself. And it's not like I come out like a monarch after the cocoon is gone, more like a moth, but it is what I need. wink

I was actually going to update my thread, in hopes that it may help someone else out there know that they aren't alone, although with this crazy muppet brain of mine, it could just be me.

I'm about to be 100% completely open and honest with you all, and that makes me quite scared, because I'll be vulnerable. Also, I don't quite know where this is heading.

I alluded earlier in my thread that I had been experiencing some health problems. Well, the problems aren't a big issue, it's just some pain in the center of my chest, as well as an inability to breath without pain or pressure, especially while I am boxing(which I have been doing for 2 years now, and I LOVE it). It started in October, and I just fluffed it off. At first, it felt like a strained muscle, or some such. In January, however, I was hitting the handpads and I actually blacked out. I stopped for a few minutes, and when I tried again, my vision started to go gray. I decided that was it for the night, and the next day, I went to the doctor's. She asked me about my symptoms, and I told her. When I mentioned the blacking out, she said, "Don't do boxing anymore." I looked at her and said, "What? I've been boxing for a year and a half and only recently started to experience problems, so it's not that." Also, I had to laff because I am quite over weight and the thought that a doctor would tell someone NOT to exercise was ridiculous. And it reminded me of a joke that my dad told me when I was a child, where a man when to the doctor, and said, "Doc it hurts when I do this," as he raised his arm above his head and the Doctor's answer was "Then stop doing that." That's supposed to be a joke, not real life.

Anywho, the doctor was immediately concerned with my heart, so she sent me for an ECG, a chest xray and had me set up to have a heart monitor for 2 weeks. Also, I mentioned that I believed it may have been asthma which was the cause, so she set me up for a specialist appt with an Asthma and Allergy specialist. I had the heart monitor on in February, and it wasn't fun, especially since I am allergic to adhesives, and had to wear the monitor for 2 weeks straight. The findings from the heart monitor, ECG, chest xrays? I have a bit of a racing heart, but nothing to worry about.

Fast forward to last month, and I get the specialist appt. Lung tests, allergy tests, stress tests, etc. Today, I go for my final test, and I am told that my asthma isn't that bad, so that's not the cause for my pain. Well wooohooo. On to the next thing.

During this health scare(because I was honestly quite worried that there was something seriously wrong), i was ANGRY because I had to deal with this all on my own. I started to realize exactly how alone I am right now. I know I'm not truly alone, but I don't have a partner, and I haven't for some time, and it SUCKS.

So, we add to this the fact that I work part time at a retail job, and I apply at a tonne of other places with not even a call for an interview. It sucks. And full time employment, forget about it. So of course, money's quite tight, and my house is falling down around my ears, literally. I had a tarp on my front porch roof that has been there for about a year. But, I need to plug along, and take care of what I need to, because that's all I can do. Then, my DS11 needs braces because one of his teeth didn't come in, and this isn't covered by Bampot's benefits. Of course. Oh, and then Bampot decides to remove me from his benefits, so I no longer have dental or prescription coverage. Oh yea, rolling in the dough at Casa Scotty.

Needless to say, I have quite the load of external and uncontrollable issues that I am dealing with, and at the same time, it's me.

I have read enough on MB to know about Buyers Renters and Freeloaders, and I remember reading something about Plan B and how it changes a Buyer into a Renter, and it made perfect sense to me. Too bad that it isn't easy to get done. While Bampot was home, I didn't look at other men. I didn't find the need, at all. For 18 YEARS, Bampot was the center of my world as far as men were concerned. Now, I could tell you if a man was good looking, but it was in the same way I could judge a woman. There was never any interest or curiosity in regards to SF with any other man. I'm being completely serious. And many of my friends thought that I was weird, heck I was beginning to think that wasn't normal. Now, I realize that it was more because I was a Buyer, and here, it would have been considered normal.

Anyways, I have some conflicting emotions, as I have begun to feel attracted to men. There was a real war going on in me, because I felt like morally, still being married, I shouldn't be attracted to anyone. It's not anyone I really know. Some actors, strangers that I check out, etc. My boundaries are up high enough that I don't really have any relationships with members of the opposite sex. I'm not that worried about having a RA, since I don't present the opportunities for one. I am quite aware though that had I not found MB, I would have actually probably already had my own A. SHUDDER.

So, the funny thing is that my inner war is that if I am to even fantasize about a guy, and he isn't Bampot, I feel like I am "cheating" on him. Ridiculous? I dunno, but it's what I'm at war with. I need to reconcile my feelings about everything going on with me. I had always found pride in the fact that I had only had SF with Bampot. Now, the reality is that that is going to be taken away from me. I don't want to be alone forever, and I don't think that I should be. I have a lot to offer someone in the future. Just sucks that I have to wait about 10 MORE YEARS. ARGH. That makes me angry too. Bampot gets to go around trying to fill his ENs and mine go unfilled. BOOGERS. I hate that. It's not fair. He was the one who chose to commit adultery, and I'm the one that needs to sit home, alone and take care of the kids. I want to feel protected. I want to be loved the way only a mate can. I want to have that partner. That rock to lean on. That person who cares for me. It's not all fantasy, I had it. And now he has gone and given it to someone else. And he has probably fixed any of the things that I used to complain about, and now he does them for her. That gals me.

I am clearly on a down of the Plan B coaster, and I expect that a lot of changes will occur. As with a lot of people dealing with change, you gotta get to a real low point before you effect change.

I honestly thought I would be much further along in all of this by now. I thought that my career path would have been clear. In the beginning of Plan B, I felt like I could achieve anything, and now, I have gotten into the normalcy of life, and I want something different.

So, I think you all can understand where I'm at with posting on MB for a bit. I just need to get my stuff together so I can help others. It's like what they tell you on planes. I need to put the Oxygen mask on myself before I can help anyone else.

On the Bampot front. Last week, I was walking down my stairs about 630pm, and I heard the special ring for Bampot on the landline. Then, he left a message. It was for the boys, but I deleted, and they didn't even know he left it. It was something about him taking them hiking the next day, I didn't really listen to it. Just enough to know that it wasn't for me, but I was shocked because he hadn't left a message on the answering machine since Plan B first started, and I had to unplug the machine.

Then, yesterday, being Father's Day, the boys had a visit with Bampot. DS9 made him a card and a paper with words to describe Bampot. He came home from the visit and told me that Bampot liked it so much that he cried. That tugged at me a bit. But it doesn't change the fact that Bampot is still a wayward, and so far gone that he probably doesn't know what light looks like anymore.

So, today, I come home from my last specialist appt and there is a message on the machine. I press play, and I hear someone talking, funny, I didn't recognize his voice, until I heard the context of the message and realized he was leaving it for ME. Something about changing his work schedule, and wanting to give me notice when he got it, I don't know what else was said, since I hit delete as soon as I realized what it was, and who it was from. WTH? I don't need anything else plopped on top of my steaming pile right now. ARGH.

I need strength. Those prayers for Walls and Doors sure has turned out much differently than I had expected.

Did anyone actually make it to the end of this long post? Tehehehe. I'm always around, popping in and out, and when I see something I can help with, I will. You guys are amazing, and I'll be back around again in no time. Take care everyone. I'm living La Vida Loca over here but it will get better. I'm gonna make sure of that. grin

oh dear, scotty, i just caught up on your thread. i'm so sorry to hear about your health scare, which is still ongoing, is that right? no diagnosis as yet? a health scare is, well, scary! and you're the only real parent your DDs have, so take good care of yourself. plus, we need ya round these parts! (smile!)

don't beat yourself up on looking at other men who are attractive. i have quite the schoolgirl crush on that australian fella who plays thor :*) he is, however, many years my junior and certainly no threat to my marriage. i know what you mean about IRL though. i can't remember the last time i looked at a flesh and blood man and thought anything at all. all my lusty feelings go to H. just like BP was the centre of your world once, too. and you will have someone again, who will love and cherish you like you deserve.

i know you lost a ton of weight while on the infidelity diet. have you put some back on? i am what they call a yo-yo. i don't believe in dieting. but my weight fluctuates about every 8-10 years or so. small, big, small, big. right now i'm at big (erg) but i have hopes for the other side to swing back soon.

don't worry about the house. unless you've got holes, it's not too big a deal. maybe tackle one little thing at a time? like the porch, for instance. you don't need to think, "gee, i've gotta redo that whole roof." you can take that big task and break it into several smaller ones. then, just do one at a time, every couple of months or whathaveyou. it'll give your boys a hoot being big men with hammers and nails! (i can just picture you up on a ladder!)

why oh why is BP not using the IM? have you discussed this with her?

i made it to the end :O)

{{{{{{scotty}}}}}}}

ps: sorry, wait a sec. can BP legally remove you from his insurance? you're still his legal wife. does canada allow that? and if so, that is BOOGERS!

Last edited by Letty; 07/06/12 01:03 AM.

fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
Letty #2642967 07/06/12 11:33 AM
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Thanx Letty. I am kinda around, and kinda not. I pop in about once ever few days at minimum(I used to be here like ALL the time, grin ). I catch up on some threads, and try to help out when I can, but my heart's not in it like it used to be.

Health scare is still ongoing. Dunno what is causing the pain, and it makes me angry. I'm too afraid of heights to tackle the roof, and unfortunately, it needs to be completely replaced, wood and all. It had been leaking for YEARS, long before Bampot left.

Why Bampot refuses to use the IM is just because he's still a typical wayward. He still needs to feel in control.

Muppet brain working on overheated cylinders. This summer is sooooooooooo hot. I'm not liking it, at all.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Scotland #2643347 07/07/12 08:08 PM
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hot in canada - go figure!

i hope you get some clarity on your health soon. the stress it creates (the waiting) is just as bad as the health problem!

sigh waywards...

what about the insurance?


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
Letty #2643381 07/07/12 10:25 PM
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Central/Eastern Canada is continental, so....extremes of temp. Personally, I have found this summer to be wonderful, but it's not for everyone.

Sorry to hear about your health issues, Scotty.

kerala #2643550 07/08/12 05:41 PM
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Letty, I emailed the insurance company and they emailed back that I am still on the plan. I dunno how long I will remain on his plan, so a F/T job of my own, with my own benefits is a must right now. And it's something I'm working on.

K, are you serious? "Nice"? It's bloody hotttttttttt. Temps of 34-37 with humidex values in the mid-high 40's that's ridiculous. But with the winter we had, not surprising at all. And with my Scottish/N.Italian/Serbian ancestry, I believe I'm made for cooler climates. I need to move to Australia for the summers, Caracal, you ready for a visitor? Or maybe I'll just move to Scotland. smile


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Scotland #2643566 07/08/12 06:54 PM
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phew, that's a relief!

crazy weather everywhere. only 70 degrees in los angeles in JULY? and you would not like oz summers at all - very hot and humid, right cara? oh wait, did you mean northern summer?

thanks for popping into jenn's thread. dr appt this week?


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
Letty #2643581 07/08/12 07:53 PM
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Hi Scotty - nice to see you back here.

Hope nothing serious going on with your health...


BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
Scotland #2644623 07/11/12 03:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Scotland
...so a F/T job of my own, with my own benefits is a must right now. And it's something I'm working on.
I'm cheering for you on that Scotty.

Originally Posted by Scotland
I need to move to Australia for the summers, Caracal, you ready for a visitor? Or maybe I'll just move to Scotland. smile
I would LOVE a visitor. Of course, you would have to admire the benches smile

15' here today, brrrrr!


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
Caracal #2645185 07/12/12 11:31 AM
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Scotty --

Check on your roof in terms of storm/hail/wind damage.
A replacement may be covered by insurance.


Lexxxy #2645292 07/12/12 03:57 PM
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Hey Scotty,

It's not fair what any of us have been put through. It sucks. Just try to be the best Scotland you can be.

One improvement I've recently made to my life is buying a vegetable juicer. Green juice is great for weight loss and overall health. You should try it!

TE


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Lexxxy, thanx for the thought, but it wasn't damage caused by anything except time, and sun. South facing house means that that porch roof gets MAXIMUM sun all day long.

TE, YUCK YUCK YUCK on that green juice. I tried some, and puke


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Scotland #2645314 07/12/12 05:27 PM
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Oh, come on! It's great with lemon, ginger and apple.

I've lost close to 10 lbs in a month. Almost back down to my adultery diet weight... without the PTSD this time!!!


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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TJ
what is "green juice?" it's not that grass stuff, is it? you have me intrigued with the lemon and ginger...
/TJ


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
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