Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 17 of 72 1 2 15 16 17 18 19 71 72
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
That's what's so interesting about that clip. Dr. H States that the other person must ask for forgiveness.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Very helpful clip, BH, thank you!! It helped me a lot. I also understand the difference between forgiveness and "letting go and moving on". I think I can do the latter with skank. As for Kiss, I can stop beating myself up for not forgiving him when it hasn't been asked for.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
That was an interesting clip BH.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by unwritten
That was an interesting clip BH.
What did you think?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Honestly, I hope he doesn't ask yet. He still has a way to go in making amends and has yet to speak to my family. Even though numerous people have advised him to do so.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by unwritten
That was an interesting clip BH.
What did you think?

I totally agree with the Harley's. The difference bw forgiveness and 'letting go.' I will hopefully be able to forgive my H once he has given me JC, and I feel a bit of safety again. I will never FORGIVE the nasty OW's that trashed my life and walked away. But hopefully I will be able to let go of the resentment and vengeance, I guess.

So convincing.

That all just seems so far away yet.


Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Originally Posted by unwritten
I will hopefully be able to forgive my H once he has given me JC, and I feel a bit of safety again. That all just seems so far away yet.

Exactly.

Going to dinner tonight for my dad's birthday. I'm sad that kiss will not be able to join us as he has still not patched that issue. My father would be quite upset to seem my WH there. Oh well, nothing I can do about that

Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/10/12 09:10 AM. Reason: fixed quote box
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Been having a funky day today. Feeling hypersensitive about thingsaid, done, not done, etc. After my IC thi afternoon, I realized things were triggering me and I wasn't aware they were triggers. But I did complain to kiss about what was bothered me (finances and such) and I am glad I did. In the past, I would be it inside and be bitter and po'd about it. Now we are in a place where we can ha e a productive conversation about it.

Headed to nyc soon to see kiss's idol, ace, and get in some good UA time

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
I apologize for the typos, using my Droid and it won't let me fix them
shocked

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Excellent radio clip on this very issue.
Radio clip on how to get over my Husband's Affair


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Yeah 2 years. That sucks. Sometimes I wish I had a sound proof rubber room so that when the thoughts/visions invade my mind, I can put myself in there and pound the walls and scream my broken heart out.

I don't know if I can 2 years of that. But what choice do we have?

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Yeah 2 years. That sucks. Sometimes I wish I had a sound proof rubber room so that when the thoughts/visions invade my mind, I can put myself in there and pound the walls and scream my broken heart out.

I don't know if I can 2 years of that. But what choice do we have?

I understand completely. It's important to keep the long term goal in mind. Sometimes I try and envision the future when the past enters my mind. I'll think of H walking DD down the aisle, for instance, or at one of the kid's college graduations... anything that reminds me of why and how the hard work is going to pay off even bigger and better in the future. This recovery business isn't just for us: it's for our kids, grandkids, and on down the line too!

It really is crucial that you keep your mind as busy as possible during down moments. Of course, sometimes those moments serve a purpose: to motivate us to keep to a high standard for our recovery!


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Thanks SunnyD, I will try that!

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
I need some input on this. I just saw that kiss spoke to someone from his former workplace (where skank works) yesterday for 10 minutes. Now he did not tell me about this. It could have been anybody and there be a completely legitimate reason (he still works for the company) and still has many friends there. He could have spoken to skank.

How would you other recovering BS's handle this? Any former waywards feel that I shouldn't read too much into this?

I am not angry about it, but this shows a breach in transparency. I shouldn't have to find out from other resources.

I have not asked him about it as I know that I have trouble believing anything he says anyway. It's actions I feel secure in.

What say you?

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Oops, wrong thread.


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Oops, wrong thread.


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
It may be just a trigger. Seeing that number come up.


Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/13/12 11:19 AM.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
You should ask him about it immediately. Normally you don't bring up triggers specifically, but in the case of possible contact, it needs to be addressed.

You don't need to accuse him - you just need to state that you need to feel secure in this relationship, so you would like to know who he spoke with. And of course, O&H is extremely important, so he needs to give you an honest answer.

I don't think you should read too much into it, but at the same time, he needs to be clear on the fact that any time he speaks to someone from that #, he needs to tell you. I would even go so far as to say that he not take calls from that # and should block it. Friends or associates can use their cellphones to call him if needed.

There needs to be NO open doors or windows for contact!


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Sorry for the t/j.

RQ did you see movingonward's response about the IM to you?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Sunny- thanks. I'll speak to him about it. It's one of those things where I feel I shouldn't have to be specific about it and he should know it was wrong but he is not gonna think it was wrong because I wasn't specific. KWIM? crazy

Brain- I was just about to mosey over there. Thanks

Page 17 of 72 1 2 15 16 17 18 19 71 72

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,027 guests, and 52 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5