To make a very long story short, my husband has struggled with pressing boundaries even before we got married. (went to addictions couseling when i called off the wedding then we got married about 6 months later when his couselor give the okay.)
Anyways, trust has always been an issue with me as he did not put filters on the computer, get an accountability partner ect. Pretty much he has a strong will so he says he can make himself do what he wants etc. (as far as i know he might be honest part of the time and then just lie about things he considers "small". I have been a bit overbearing in the sexual area bc he never put any boundaries or communicated them.)
After our first child, the lack of support and his always going out with single guys/getting too drunk in my opinion/ and trying to press any type of sexual boundary i have said bothers me. I finally got to the point where I left him and said we have to get help or I wont come back. (There was more going on than just honesty.)
Anyways, so now he is open to reading the books love busters and his needs, her needs. He is unwilling to do couseling as he says he cant be honest with someone he feels will be judging him/ they dont work.
I'm waiting for him to read the love buster open/honesty ch and the one in the other book and fill out the "action steps part".
Any tips on knowing if he is serious? I'm afraid bc his first deployment will probably be in about 5 months. At this point I have an EXTREME amount of anxiety if were apart from each other and he goes out with friends, even if he is trying to communicate with me the entire night. Any any advice for when the deployment comes around? I'm terrified he will get caught up in porn/ not stand up for our relationship and just go where his friends want to go etc (we have different views on what is acceptable in a marriage relationship, but now he says he will stand up for what i personally consider wrong..i.e. strip clubs/lap dances etc.) . Any advice for dealing with this whole topic in myself and knowing what to look for?