Thanks BWS71, as one "dude on the Internet" to another, I think I'm looking at this the same way you are. The only difference from your perception, I think, is that my feelings about my sitch tend to move around quite a bit versus just stay in a narrow band.

My MC recommended keeping a "blind journal" and marking a + if it would be okay if I felt the way I did today for every day for the rest of my life, and a - if that would not be okay. He said not to look at trends, mark each day without looking at anything else (i.e. one mark per page). He said that after six months or a year, decide what an "acceptable ratio" is for you, and then add up your pluses and minuses. He said that seeing it that way will keep me from fooling myself. I haven't started doing that yet, but maybe I should.

I agree that the missing ingredient is time, but I fear that I cannot come to a place where I truly value and cherish my wife if she does not treat me in a loving manner -- i.e. if your love bank is being depleted I don't believe you're going to be feeling in a "cherishing mood".

Tough one for sure -- thank you so much again for your advice and consideration.