Just popping back in for a quick update... Some things I've learned over the years:
- Some people have no (or low) libido. They might enjoy affection (cuddling, kissing, etc) but feel nothing "down there." This can be for a variety of reasons (trauma, genetics, overstressed life, spouse love busting, etc). That said, most people who say they were never attracted to their spouse are lying (perhaps because they're in an "affair fog") and just don't remember those days
- In some cases, people with low libido do not understand what someone of "normal" libido experiences when it comes to sexual arousal, and this lack of experience can cause problems in relationship because the low libido spouse doesn't understand why it's such a big deal and the higher libido spouse can't imagine not feeling sexual desire
- My case, and at least two others as evidenced by the posts in this thread, have shown that sexual attraction CAN grow, even if never experienced before, once the causes are dealt with (for example, clearing out the schedule so one is not so stressed/overworked at night, dealing with childhood trauma, or getting more emotional needs met)
I have been dating a wonderful man for about 8 months now, and we have been discussing long term plans. This scares me a little bit, but ONE thing that is great is that we are evenly matched sexually (and in many other areas). We are waiting for marriage to fully have sex, but we've had enough discussions and experienced enough of each other that I am confident that our relationship will not just have SEX but rather SEXUAL FULFILLMENT.
My libido is still kinda different in that a good looking man does not turn me on the way other women would be turned on. It's really more about how he treats me. Now that my SO has come into my life and proven himself to be amazing, just the thought of him drives me crazy "down there."
Being in love like this is a wonderful feeling, and I wish all of God's people can experience it.