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It's because his current way of life is easier and there are no imminent threats to said way of life.

Well, there's that, of course (inertia being a universal impediment to positive motion). But let's look at it from a "delta" point of view. Moving to Florida is likely to change only one critical variable - eliminating the cold weather which impacted RQ's enjoyment of outdoor UA time for a couple months. To support the family, given his current career path, Kiss is still going to have to spend many hours at his job. That is NOT strictly his choice in the current employment market that exists. Employers have expectations, and there is no "governor" on that engine. "Charlie, the fifty-five hours per week you were comfortable putting in last year were adequate. Our NEW crop of desperate interviewees are proposing sixty-five hours. We sure would like it if you could compete at that level!" You saw the result of that dynamic, RQ, in today's local headlines, right?

Soooooo, before anyone once again starts setting unenforceable "deadlines", it would be highly recommended by this correspondent that real (unicorn-free) family-life-planning be performed.

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NG,

What's your point? That this job is more important than the marriage? Because that's the point it sounds like RQ is at.

If this job is a problem for RQ, for whatever reason, then KISS needs to leave. And, KISS was on board with it.

Your advice just doesn't seem to be MB advice.

Steph


Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Northwood, I asked kiss to listen to yesterday's radio program. With the caller, Jim? I told kiss that I identified with the caller's wife. That I want to be in love with him and continuing the way we are will make me vulnerable.

SusieQ, the plan right now is to make that list I mentioned before and brainstorm options.

One possibility is that kiss steps down from his position in order to find more available openings in Florida. Less money, but less hours, stress and responsibility.

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Neverguessed, one of the main reasons for the Florida move is that since the cost of living is so much lower, if kiss were to stay in his current position with a minimal change in salary and I wouldi have to work. This would allow us to spend more time together. Yes, in beautiful Florida sunshine smile

Unfortunately, finances have to be considered as well as DD17's educational future. I think it is a difficult situation that both kiss and I want to solve to everyone's satisfaction. We are both guilty if making terrible financial decisions in the past.

I'm sitting at a diner now waiting for him to join me. We'll brainstorm and use the placemats to make our list.


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Brainstorm away, my friend. hug


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Your advice just doesn't seem to be MB advice.

Really? I would have bet money that intelligently and comprehensively applying POJA to a major decision about relocating the family would have been VERY MB!

RQ and K seem to have arrived at that EXACT position, as events have developed.

For the record, I just ran a CoL comparison between Albany (MHV not isolated) and Gainesville, Florida. Florida was cheaper in most areas except utilities (air conditioning).

[Linked Image from i42.tinypic.com]

But, using a salary-by-job-title comparison engine, "assistant retail manager" in White Plains (my guesses) earned 60% more than a similar title in Gainesville.

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Neverguessed, I really appreciate you looking that up for me. It looks like CoL is not much cheaper. And it would be ludicrous for kiss to expect to be paid &79k a year when his peers are only making $45k a year. Am I reading that correctly?

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Close enough. And "You're Welcome!"

How did your diner-discussion go?

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
Close enough. And "You're Welcome!"

How did your diner-discussion go?
Yes how did the brainstorming go?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Well, not as well as I had hoped. We both want to move to FL, but I think we need to get more info about salaries down there. Kiss thinks the best thing to do is for him to step down from his position but remain with the company. This way he will retain his stock and if there is an opening, he would be able to be take it. I would probably have to find work in order to have another income coming in, but it would only be temporary.

There is an opening in a store down where we are looking at and he is hoping to get more info about it today as far as salary, etc.

If that doesn't pan out, kiss thinks we should just "wing it" sigh He knows that I don't wing anything smile

I don't know. I just have a huge fear that moving there will cause financial issues which will just impair our marriage rather than improve it. And the option of staying here makes me feel despair that anything will change in our marriage. I just don't know.

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
I don't know. I just have a huge fear that moving there will cause financial issues which will just impair our marriage rather than improve it.

That's a very reasonable appraisal of your situation.....

I don't call that fear, I call that using your intellectual gifting of reason.....

You could avoid using your brain at all and just, wing it.... sheesh!





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Herpapabear, yes finances are very important to me. I cry if I have an overdraft on my account, for goodness sake.

Kiss has always had an Alfred Newman attitude.

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Kiss has always had an Alfred Newman attitude.


Just wingin' it may be fun on a date, but not for life decisions. It's actually frightening when a spouse acts this way with life's decisions. Like whether to have an affair, risk your family's safety, risk your job, etc.... The lack of planning and the lack of making educated decisions can be a more than just an annoying habit, they go toward the issue of being responsible. Not making good decisions is irresponsible. And lack of responsibility is a HUGE lovebuster for the one left to bail out the other, and/or carry the marital recovery.


How is your current, personal level of resentment compared to your personal, current level of feeling romantically in love?

Has the difference between the two changed much since the end of your PlanB?






Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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HPB, the resentment is a lot better since I have given up on what I can't control. Though it still has a way of bubbling up inside now and then.

The romantic love is still elusive though. The love bank just hasn't hit that threshold yet as kiss still doesn't do all that he can to make deposits and still does things that withdraws.

Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. I refuse to acknowledge it. It is stained for me. I am resentful about that. And that kiss is inside playing video games while up out side holding in tears. But I'll keep my chin up, like I always do.

Happy Father's Day, herpapabear.


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It's been awfully quiet here in Recovery world lately.

Is everyone still in hiding?

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Is everyone still in hiding?

Well, having been bludgeoned into
accepting that POJA, PORH, UA,
and no LB, no AO, and no IB are the
only elements of advice permitted herein,
with NO editorial enhancements, I'd
say, probably, "Yes", at least in my case.

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Is everyone still in hiding?

Well, having been bludgeoned into
accepting that POJA, PORH, UA,
and no LB, no AO, and no IB are the
only elements of advice permitted herein,
with NO editorial enhancements, I'd
say, probably, "Yes", at least in my case.

Me too. Quite a few fled months ago

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
It's been awfully quiet here in Recovery world lately.

Is everyone still in hiding?


Just got back from SoCal.

Only burned a little...


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
It's been awfully quiet here in Recovery world lately.

Is everyone still in hiding?


Just got back from SoCal.

Only burned a little...

Must have been nice to get away for a little while! Did you have a good trip, HHH?


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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
It's been awfully quiet here in Recovery world lately.

Is everyone still in hiding?


Just got back from SoCal.

Only burned a little...

Must have been nice to get away for a little while! Did you have a good trip, HHH?


Yeah, it was fun.

We went for my niece's HS graduation. Big bunch of family there... though, my family is wierd, so... yeah. Sigh.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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