You are going to have a very difficult time recovering your marriage from a distance, do you understand this? If you can't join your wife in her new duty station and then remain together every single night for the rest of your marriage together, your wife (and you) will always be at risk of affairs.
Every wayward appears to have personality disorders, so don't get concerned about this at this point. I was sure my H was a sociopath, but once the waywardness ended and our marriage recovered, he's a wonderful man.
Everyone is wired to have an affair. Those who have no accountability and leave their love bank open to members of the opposite will often have affairs. Given the right opportunity, just about anybody would have an affair. That's why it's so important to follow basic marital rules, such as living an integrated (no nights apart, leisure time together) and transparent (passwords shared) lifestyle, meeting each other's ENs and avoiding LBs.
God forgives us, but we have to repent and then sin no more. There is a time for forgiveness, but you're not there yet. First, you have to end the affair and you have to change your lifestyle so that you can live together and build a marriage in which you and your wife, two separate people, blend together. You can't have that while living apart. And the military is notorious for its bad marriages, given all the separations.
No one here will discourage you from trying to save your marriage, but until you can live together and stay together, your marriage is going to suffer and your wife will continue living like a single person.
I believe and understand everything you just said! Believe me I would love to magically be there right now. Career and all, automatically transferred out there and spending those hours and nights with her. With financial issues, her not adding me to her orders to live with her, and me joining soon it will be impossible to do that for the next few months.
I know it's the only chance I have to fix it. I simply cannot do anything from overseas besides avoid love busters and push her closer into his arms, she can at least feel some guilt while I am so thoughtful and caring about our marriage.
I'm just wondering from what you guys have heard or seen or experienced yourself... If the wife wanders away due to horrible boundaries, she did have the feeling of "I'm always in control of my feelings idk why you are so insecure about guys and me!", and I push her farther away, yet check myself and make all changes I can, career wise and attitude wise, do you ever see that wandering wife believe in and love the original man she married after the seperation and time of "finding herself"? Or should I expect divorce papers when I graduate basic? And maybe expect a drunk phone call 6 months after that when the boyfriend dumps her for being crazy...
Side note I am going to call the base right now and ask if they can do private investigations for this sort of thing and separate them with terms of court Marshall if they don't heed. I have no evidence but obviously these strong signs, they may understand and look into it, or tell me sorry.. We'll see if I get through now..
No long distance offered on my phone, have to figure out a diff way
