Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Ok, but you can only control yourself. You can't control her. You need to clean up your side of the street and she cleans up hers and then you meet in the middle with a wonderfully clean street.

What are her top ENs?

I agree with LW. Will she post here?

Also, you didn't answer my question. What are you doing about your AOs? Did you read the Anger management 101 thread I posted to you and listen to the clips?

No she won't post here, and I tried to get her to engage on working through the books and questionnaires with me. I gave her the emotional needs questionnaire but she didn't fill it in and she doesn't seem to be able to communicate her needs to me. Other than me figuring out that I could give her more affection .

I'm listening the AO clips and agree that I should do better but we are not talking about physical violence or damaging property, just to keep it in context. My AO are almost solely in response to the selfish freeloading behavior. And I'm not somebody who has a very short fuse, it takes time and repeated occurrences of this selfishness before things boil over. I tell her how I feel about something and how it affects me many times in a calm manner with no change in behavior before I stop coping well and begin to criticise overtly.