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catwhit #2770993 12/14/13 09:13 PM
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I like that idea, cat! I'll email them tonight. I don't know if kiss would be willing to go on the program but I will ask. If anything, they will address it on the show and their answer will be beneficial to all of us smile

I would love it if Dr Harley would talk to kiss about this.



Everthesame #2770995 12/14/13 09:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Originally Posted by kerala
I mean, it is good that he told you, but being RH about crossing these lines is not exactly comforting, is it?

Yes, exactly.

Originally Posted by kerala
Is avoiding this sort of conversation not part of your EPs? Surely it should be. Have you not established the consequences of EP violation?

Yes, it is one of his EPs. I don't know what to do as far as a consequence. Obviously, I wouldn't divorce him for it, so I am not sure what a consequence would be. Has Dr Harley ever addressed that? I need some guidance on what to do.

This will sound harsh but�my understanding of MB is that you can't maintain a happy marriage with someone (especially a FWS) who doesn't get the importance of the EPs. So, if you're unwilling to separate at some point, the ultimate incentive for him to adhere to the EPs is�.what?

kerala #2771047 12/15/13 05:17 PM
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I'm not certain of that myself. He has broken them time and again, and...


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Everthesame #2771064 12/15/13 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
He says that he is not attracted to her at all and that "nothing would ever happen".

Funny, that's what WxH said about ALL the women he crossed the line with, including all three of his affairs.

And I have seen WS's say this time and again on these forums about their APs.

This is kiss's way of getting you to back off. He is not clueless about how affairs start....


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2771070 12/15/13 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
He says that he is not attracted to her at all and that "nothing would ever happen".

RQ, I quickly skimmed over kiss's thread because it's been awhile.

He was HAMMERED about his EPs there several times. In fact, he lashed out at folks in dramatic fashion for telling him how dangerous it was for him to be discussing marital issues with your SIL.

He has had problems with this coworker before. It was discussed on his thread that he shouldn't be texting with her AT ALL - forget having a one on one discussion with her regarding her marital problems. He commented on a radio show regarding EPs to demonstrate to us all that he was really "getting it", how anyone can end up in an affair if their ENs are being met.... And now this?

Forgetting EPs for a second, KISS doesn't really care much about POJA, does he? Because operating under POJA, he wouldn't have had this discussion with this woman....

This isn't what recovery is supposed to look like, RQ. This should be UNACCEPTABLE to you. He is engaging in the same behavior that led to his affair....and acting clueless that this has been brought to his attention time and again on his thread....


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2771171 12/16/13 12:26 PM
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Your preaching to the choir, SusieQ, as that is what Joyce Harley just told me. She asked us to be on the program Wednesday or Thursday. They are interested in talking with Kiss more than me as they already have my perspective (which is in line with yours). Kiss is open to it, we are just trying to see what day he is free.

I really hope talking to the Harleys will help us.






Everthesame #2771172 12/16/13 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Your preaching to the choir, SusieQ, as that is what Joyce Harley just told me. She asked us to be on the program Wednesday or Thursday. They are interested in talking with Kiss more than me as they already have my perspective (which is in line with yours). Kiss is open to it, we are just trying to see what day he is free.

I really hope talking to the Harleys will help us.

I am holding my breath for you and kiss, RQ...


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
catwhit #2771187 12/16/13 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by catwhit
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Your preaching to the choir, SusieQ, as that is what Joyce Harley just told me. She asked us to be on the program Wednesday or Thursday. They are interested in talking with Kiss more than me as they already have my perspective (which is in line with yours). Kiss is open to it, we are just trying to see what day he is free.

I really hope talking to the Harleys will help us.

I am holding my breath for you and kiss, RQ...

Thank you, catwhit! We should be on the show this Thursday. After that, we are going Christmas shopping smile


Everthesame #2771198 12/16/13 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Originally Posted by catwhit
I am holding my breath for you and kiss, RQ...

Thank you, catwhit! We should be on the show this Thursday. After that, we are going Christmas shopping smile

RQ; To me, it is a good sign that kiss is willing to be on the show.

In our situation, I struggle not to educate Taffy (which he rightfully hates). And he is no longer posting or reading here. (He says he has no questions.) He is, however, open to being on the show, and it seems to me that Dr. Harley has an excellent way of talking to people that doesn't require talking down to them, but still opens their minds to the concepts and ideas.


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
catwhit #2771210 12/16/13 03:51 PM
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Agreed, I am glad that he is willings as well. Sounds like our husbands are very similar. I hope Dr Harley addresses the issue of broken EPs as well. Like Kerala and Karma asked, what are the consequences? Should there be consequences or just a better understanding of how to handle a situation?

Last edited by Rocketqueen; 12/16/13 03:57 PM.
Everthesame #2771213 12/16/13 03:58 PM
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Does anyone on the East coast know what time we should expect to be called?

Everthesame #2771241 12/16/13 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Does anyone on the East coast know what time we should expect to be called?

For us it was about 12:45 I think. They are Central time so they are one hour behind us.


Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur

DS(11)
DD(7)

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Originally Posted by FightTheFight
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Does anyone on the East coast know what time we should expect to be called?

For us it was about 12:45 I think. They are Central time so they are one hour behind us.

Wow, that late huh? It will have to be a marathon Christmas shopping spree, then. smile

Everthesame #2771288 12/16/13 10:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
[/b]Agreed, I am glad that he is willing as well. Sounds like our husbands are very similar.[b] ... My self-serving reason to be glued to the radio on Thursday! grin

I hope Dr Harley addresses the issue of broken EPs as well. Like Kerala and Karma asked, what are the consequences? Should there be consequences or just a better understanding of how to handle a situation?

Should be an interesting Christmas shopping trip!


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
Everthesame #2771377 12/17/13 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Agreed, I am glad that he is willings as well. Sounds like our husbands are very similar. I hope Dr Harley addresses the issue of broken EPs as well. Like Kerala and Karma asked, what are the consequences? Should there be consequences or just a better understanding of how to handle a situation?
I'm so glad you'll be on the show together.

You know I've always asked "what are his consequences for breaking EPs"?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2771457 12/17/13 05:57 PM
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He shouldn't be able to keep doing this. It feels like an affair is just around the corner every time I hear that he has done it again.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Everthesame #2771766 12/19/13 03:53 PM
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What did you think of the Harley's advice?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2771769 12/19/13 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
What did you think of the Harley's advice?

Brainy: RQ and kiss were going Christmas shopping after the show, as I recall...


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
catwhit #2771770 12/19/13 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by catwhit
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
What did you think of the Harley's advice?

Brainy: RQ and kiss were going Christmas shopping after the show, as I recall...
You're correct catwhit. Thanks for the reminder. I was hoping when she gets back to the board she would see this. smile


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2771943 12/20/13 08:30 PM
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Hi brainy and cat whit! It has been a whirlwind 2 days as yesterday was the show and shopping spree and today I picked up DD18 from college smile A very productive two days though!

It was an interesting show and it helped kiss to see my perspective and why I would feel the way I do. Joyce definitely understood where I was coming from. It sounded like Kiss understands better that he needs to at put a wall between him and other females regardless of whether he sees them as a "threat" or not. He did not, however, discuss his thoughts about it with me.

As far as Kiss changing jobs to one where are there are less females, it is something we will discuss. Especially if a transfer within the next few months isn't feasible. I don't feel that it is entirely necessary right now. I may be being naive about it, especially after what I have already been through. But I feel that our marriage is a lot stronger and more valued by the TWO of us for it to vulnerable like it was before.


Last edited by Rocketqueen; 12/20/13 08:32 PM.
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