Not sure where to start...
Married 16 years, two kids daughter 6, son 11.
My wife and I were high school friends and lost touch and later married in our 20s. I've always thought we had a great friendship and a great marriage. She's always been pretty emotionally withdrawn though, I think, based on things that happened in her childhood and teens (divorce, etc.)
For the longest time I held a job that had me working about 40 miles away from home. My wife took care of the kids morning and night - There's some resentment there I'm sure. I work locally now and have taken over those duties and have sincerely expressed my gratitude for how awesome she was and how much she gave doing that. Did I do it enough? Not sure...
At any rate. I thought we were doing good, great relationship, great conversation, good times with friends, are really all I remember. She remembers fighting. We never really fought a lot but when we did it was not pleasant. I felt, that she would hold things in until she exploded, then when she exploded it was hurtful and I exploded back.
I was in what could have been a pretty bad accident last June. I've always been active (running, cycling, weight lifting) and was determined that after the accident I would be better at all of that and I wouldn't be held down by the fact I was in the accident. I would always ask "do you mind if I (go run, cycle, etc)" and would always get a "yes" or a "Yeah, I guess".
A couple months after the accident, she just starts getting more and more depressed and removed (coming up on the 40th birthday). After enough prodding from me asking what's wrong, she eventually just snapped and told me that essentially her life wasn't what she wanted. The kids, the house, the car, nothing was enough. I was already going to therapy for the accident so I brought that into my therapist and we talked a bit about it. I realized I have anxiety issues and I also realized that I spent too much time (running, cycling, lifting weights) etc. So using that knowledge, I cut down on the activity and tried to spend more time with her and the kids. Also, since the accident, it makes you really appreciate everything you have. I've really tried to be a better husband and I think I've done well. I don't blow up like I used to, I take criticism a hell of a lot better, I try to do the little things here and there.
There was a time when that all seemed to be working, but I have a problem staying the course. Something will happen that will get me depressed and we'll have a conversation (mostly me talking) wondering if everything will be ok. A couple times she's said "I don't know" to which I respond, "so you're trying to decide between staying and leaving" and the answer was yes.
She went on a trip with family a few weeks ago and came back and for the first few days it was amazing. We missed each other, we kissed and hugged at the airport and she seemed honestly glad to see me. The sex a couple nights later was awesome. *that's been hard lately as I've noticed that as a male, when you're having sex with someone you love but there are relational issues, it actually causes things to "finish early"* On the same hand, we just had a little retreat and had a good time, but when we started to have sex she was just removed - she'll hold the bridge of her nose in that manner you do when you're just fed up or disgusted. So I stopped and went to bed angry. Woke up the next morning to her getting ready and we had a whole day planned but she was ready to go home. We had a conversation and I told her its had for me to keep trying. I told her I love her along with a few other accolades and she just sat in silence (which is typical) and she finally said "I don't feel the same anymore. It's more like you're my friend". Which, I'm not terribly hurt by. I've known that, and I'd rather be at the friend level than the enemy level, at least we have something.
I asked her to join in with me on the "dual track" program that I will not mention and she was not cool with that.
Are we perfect for each other? Maybe not. I've said to her before "we don't communicate well!" and it's true! She holds everything inside and always has. I don't help that by having blown up before when getting hit with emotional sledgehammers.
That said, I love this woman so much. She's beautiful, strong, unique, stubborn, a wonderful mom, a great friend, has such a terrific laugh and this sparkle in her eye. We have things in common and I think we fit. I'm excited to see her, I'm in love with her and I will do anything to save our marriage.
No addictions although we both like to drink. Sometimes the drunken state certainly doesn't help.
We do try to get out on date night (something we hadn't been doing really since the kids) but now she seems to be avoiding going together and preferring going with friends.
Not sure what else to say, but that's a lot. We've gone on a fantastic vacation since her blow up and done a lot of things we didn't used to do but it doesn't seem to be helping in the long run. It's wearing on me too, as I've always been the first one to say "I love you", the first one and usually the only one to say "sorry", the first one to initiate sex 90% of the time, etc etc. I know I'm last in a family of 6 counting the dogs but I still keep trying as I do believe anything can be fixed.
Hahaha, it's funny - A friend has said that I'm the typical female and she's the typical male...
Sorry for the ramble and verbal diarrhea