You make valid points of course.

One of the challenges is finding a sitter. We are both extremely protective of our kids, her even mores. So it's usually the kids grandma that helps and getting a second sitter is super challenging. I'm not trying to make excuses, but those things sometimes are harder done than said. The marriage to me is and has always been number 1 but I know it's not that way with her and convincing her we need to get away and to start trusting other people is going to be tough.

What's the general opinion of telling people why I/we need the help so badly?

Other than that, I will buy the book today and start.
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by KPT
Gotcha - thanks.
Is there anything I should bring her into the loop on or..? A conversation I should/can have?
I will tell you and I'm not trying to be negative but 4 x 4 is amazingly difficult. Do people really have time for that?

Yes they do. But most people balk at first because it is such a strange notion. They have been neglecting their marriages for years so it sometimes takes some persuasion to get them to understand their marriage will never improve as long as it is neglected. See, couples who are in love don't have to struggle to find time for dates. They guard their date time jealously.

Dr Harley asks people who can't find time for their marriage if they manage to find time for their job? Most people manage to do that and it is less important than the marriage. But you don't have to give up your job to find time for your marriage. You just have to create sane priorities in your lives.

Helping with homework, making dinners, etc. etc

If you had dinner out the kids could be fed pizza by a babysitter. Or you all could feed them dinner early and then go out.

I don't have either book but I will look into them! I will also admit it's tough to keep on keeping on since it's always been lopsided smirk

We will help you with a PLAN if you will follow the advice. I would get the book Lovebsuters, read the first 3 chapters and come back and post about it.