Originally Posted By: KPT
Apples what does that have to do with the other questions I asked?

Well, in a recent post you said

Originally Posted By: KPT
So frustrated right now because we have a sitter for tomorrow and all I get is I dot knows to any idea of what to do and has no suggestions and is just all together cranky. Things have been pretty good the last few days but this is exactly what I was worried about. No commitment, no ideas no nothing and would prefer to stay home and be miserable. And again I'm giving 150% and nothing is good enough

apples was suggesting that, since you know that your wife is withdrawn and uninterested, you become pro-active in planning something you know that, when she is not withdrawn, she enjoys. Suggest that you do whatever it is, and ask her whether she would enjoy that. Make sure it is a recreational activity that you know she enjoys, that allows you to talk to each other, and preferably, to be affectionate, too. Cheap dates can involve going into a town centre, walking around (especially if there are evening displays or entertainment laid on for summer evenings), and having a few drinks or a cheap meal. Art galleries and museums are often free or cheap. Try not to take up the time watching a film or a play, where the expectation is that you will be quiet during the 2-hour performance - unless your kids are staying with their grandmother all day or overnight. Films and plays actually provide good subject-matter for conversation later in the evening, but at this stage of trying to bring your wife out of withdrawal, you need to make sure that you spend all your date time focusing on each other, and talking. Dancing is good for recreation, affection and some conversation, and there are plenty of other ideas that have been explored in threads on this forum.

It just seemed odd that you had a sitter booked, but it looked as if the date was not going to take place because of your wife's lack of enthusiasm and ideas. What did you actually do the night you had the sitter?

If you really want to pull your wife out of withdrawal, you are going to have to carry on cheerfully, when she is non responsive. If you are going to feel hopeless this early on, when you haven't even begun to use Marriage Builders, you are not going to get the marriage that you want.

In answer to your other question:

If your wife were willing to fill out the LB questionnaire, she probably would be willing to work with you in using the whole MB programme to pull your marriage out of the ditch. Is she willing to do that? Have you told her about what you've been reading, and that, if you both use the programme, it will turn your marriage around and have you both back in love before long?

If she shows any interest in using MB, you should ask her whether she would be willing to go on the radio show and talk directly to Dr Harley. If she isn't willing to do that, suggest that you send him an email in which you each outline the reasons for your unhappiness with the marriage. He will answer your email and your follow-up questions (free). If your wife won't join you in an email, send one yourself asking for help with bringing your wife out of depressions and withdrawal.

Could you speak to your wife about writing to Dr H? And in the meantime, what are your plans to achieve 20 hours' UA time this week?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.