The alternative to anger is:

"It bothers me when you ..."
"I'd like it if you would ..."

Both of these are expressed WITHOUT demanding that the wife comply, and without consequences if she does not. You keep the complaints on the front burner, bringing them up again if you don't get what you need, and you do it in an environment free from demands, disrespectful judgments, and angry outbursts, and in an environment where you are striving to meet your wife's emotional needs so she will be in love with you (and will care about your complaints).

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.