Haven't been on here in a while but I am feeling very discouraged. The whole time I have been very hopeful that things could / would change. But I am just starting to feel really down now, honestly for the first time in the separation.

He is working hard to be better, his feelings towards me have clearly changed (appreciates what he has to lose now, seems to respect me more as an equal person, acknowledges his past mistakes - he never did that before....) But even though his feelings toward us have changed, and some of his actions have changed, I am really starting to doubt that he can change his actions on a consistent basis.

I feel like I am to a point where I have been let down one too many times. For those of you who have made it through a separation, how did you not give up?

I want us to save our marriage, but am wondering if it is possible? He had been changing so much, but every-time I think things are really getting better, there is a "set-back", not any "outburst" like he was having before, in fact I am having a really hard time controlling myself around him. I just feel so hurt and damaged.

We are still separated, but do continue to have some interaction considering we work on the same campus. The recent set-back was Halloween. I had said all along that I didn't want him to miss out on Halloween since the kids are still little and love Halloween, so we all went trick or treating together. He met me at the house, we all went to his parents house to let his mom see their costumes, visited for a bit, then headed back to our neighborhood to go trick or treating. I can't even remember why he met us there, but we were getting in the car already when he showed up. I asked if he wanted to just ride with us since we were going to be coming right back anyway (we were getting along ok and I didn't think a 5 minute ride would be a big deal. He said "no, I'll just drive"... I said something to like "ok, but it isn't a big deal if you want to come with us". I thought we were getting along fine, then he made a face and said "it's typical". (Basically saying its typical that I don't get to be around my family.)

This may sound like nothing but to me it was the same kind of sly / sarcastic remarks I was used to. It was really frustrating on a day that I thought could be good. Then when we got to his parents house, he was acting weird toward me, and just in general. I don't even know how to describe it....just different / not in a good way.

Then We got back into the car to head back to the neighborhood to go trick or treating. I thought he was right behind me, and we would be showing up at the same time, but instead he shows up like 40 minutes later. By that time my family (we were all going trick or treating together) was already at the house. They were nice to him and honestly didn't make anything uncomfortable. But I could tell the second he showed up that he was acting even more "weird" / different whatever the right word.

I just tried to go on enjoying the kids. It was pretty hectic anyway because there were so many kids out and it was raining... So I was basically just chasing the little one around making sure he didn't get lost (not much interaction with anyone). Toward the end of the trick or treating my phone rang. I looked at it and turned it off. He asked "who was that?" I had no problem answering his question, I knew exactly who it was because they had called earlier and left a message when we were getting dressed. I responded "it is a real estate agent calling about our old tenants, wanting to know there payment history..." Instead of believing my response, he rarely ever does. He replied "well, how would you know that?". I replied, "because they just called a little earlier and left a message".

At this point he was seeming mad at me, for who knows what, and things went down hill. He then caught up to me and said "imagine that you carry your phone around with you" (implying that I intentionally miss his calls, which I never do.

Then he says "why would you bring your phone with you anyway (in an ugly voice). I was so put out at this point and replied, "why the F do you think, I was taking pictures of our kids, it is Halloween". Obviously I shouldn't have replied like this.....

Why once everything seems to be getting so much better, does he always go back to things like this. He thinks this is a "little setback" but I don't think he is seeming to realize those are the little things that were constantly making me miserable before, its the last thing I need to see at this point, is reminders of his "old self" and our "old life" together.

Sorry for the long post, I guess this is kind of a vent. I just don't know what to think. I was feeling hopeful and this last thing (although it may not be that big) just made me think "maybe he can't change". I want to believe he can!

I ended up telling him that I have opened up too soon, and that we need to go back to very limited communication / interaction. I had started allowing more and more when I thought things were really changing. Since then he has been respectful and says he wants a chance to prove that this time there will be no "set-backs".

Thanks for listening.