Originally Posted by dividejim
At the time of the email which was March 2015, my wife had kicked me out of the house. The summary of the show was that I feared being honest with her because of the angry outburst that was sure to come. Dr. Harley suggested that I stay out of the house and enjoy being separated for a time. I should continue to talk to my wife via the phone/email but that I should stay away until the anger problem was solved. The struggle seemed to be centered around my wife wanting us to "discuss" the horrible things that I had done to her over the 30 years of our marriage. When we would discuss these things, it would inevitably end up in a fight and would escalate to an angry outburst on both of our parts.

We are now almost a year later and we don't have angry outbursts anymore and haven't now for probably 6 months. I didn't stay away from my wife but was back in the house within a day or two back in March 2015.
So, that part wasn't followed through. I think that is a major reason why you are where you are today.

Originally Posted by dividejim
Obviously, I am still not meeting my wife's emotional needs because she is still very hurt by what I believe to be what I am not doing now. I believe that she has let go of the hurt that I've caused in the past but now she is more bothered by the fact that I'm not doing anything actively to rebuild our marriage.
The strategy of the Marriage Builders programme is to create and sustain romantic love. Doing this requires you to take specifics steps, hourly, daily and permanently. Do you know what these are?

Originally Posted by dividejim
l had a real "awakening" back at Christmas just over a month ago and fully realized the hurt that I have caused. Things seemed to be going much better and then when we were cleaning the house up after the Christmas mess, my wife was talking on the phone to my daughter and I sat down in a chair and fell asleep. We had a lot of work to do and I chose to fall asleep. When my wife asked me what I was doing while she was on the phone, I lied. At that moment, she knew that I had lied about what I was doing and things have been getting worse and worse ever since now for over a month. It was very eye-opening for me because I saw in black and white what it is that I do and have done for years. I lie in order to protect myself from getting into trouble. Its a very sad way to live. I understand how tired my wife is now and know that she has been struggling with the way that I've been for our whole married life.
What did Dr H say to you about stopping your lies?

Originally Posted by dividejim
Now she is very withdrawn. All she talks about now is how she plans to leave me and she wants me out of her life. She wants me to move out.

Bottom line to me is that I've realized the hurt that I've caused and I have worked to stop the love busters. That is only the first step; now I need to start taking action in doing the things that will rebuild our relationship. Its very difficult to do when your wife is so withdrawn...DJ
Why haven't you been doing anything actively to rebuild your marriage?

Have you spoken to your wife about what she'd like you to do to rebuild? Has she expressed her wishes on this? Do you know what they are?



BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.