Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 15 of 18 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 18
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
There are more recent shows at the end of this thread. Have you listened to them?


The Critical Importance of Undivided Attention

Thanks for linking this thread, Brainy.

Jim,
Focusing on Undivided Attention is the only way that you will be able to gain the traction needed to turn things aound. If you read the thread which Brainy linked, you will see why.

You have spent UA TIME with your wife, but the quality and quantity need fine tuning to make a difference.

Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Did you hear yesterday's radio show? If so, did anything stand out to you?

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Did you hear yesterday's radio show? If so, did anything stand out to you?

DQ, I listened to today's program but not yesterdays...


I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Bummer!


Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Jim, you say that you are very active in your church...what does that mean?

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Jim, you say that you are very active in your church...what does that mean?

It means that we attend church services every Sunday. We are full tithe payers and we both strive to live a Christ-centered life.


I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Originally Posted by dividejim
Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Jim, you say that you are very active in your church...what does that mean?

It means that we attend church services every Sunday. We are full tithe payers and we both strive to live a Christ-centered life.

K. Got it.

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
Quote
strive to live a Christ-centered life.
As a husband, "living a Christ-centered life" means taking care of your wife's emotional needs and protecting her. You are to care for her the way Christ does his church.

What state would the church be in if Christ took care of it the way you take care of your wife? (Not a very good one ...)

What permanent changes can you make to change that, and how can you keep yourself motivated to stick with them?


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
Well, my wife kicked me out of the house tonight. We've both been sick this week and my wife is getting better but I'm getting worse. She suggested that I go to the doctor this morning which I did. Before that, she suggested that I leave because she doesn't want to get sick again and I'm just spreading my sunshine throughout the house. I grabbed few items of clothing and headed to the doctor. I called her to let her know what he said and she said to not bother coming home. She said that we are officially separated now so find a place to live. I'm currently at my office because I have nowhere to go. Just want to let you know what is happening...


I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Your wife can not legally prevent you from living in your house. Go back.

Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Go home. Take a VAR

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by TheRoad
Your wife can not legally prevent you from living in your house. Go back.

So I just go home? It will be ugly, yelling/screaming...I'm not sure that I can do that


I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by apples123
Go home. Take a VAR

I don't understand what you mean by VAR


I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Jim...

I'm sorry that you find yourself kicked out again.

After relistening to your show from March 2014, and Dr. Harley's email response advice from March 2015, I would say that you are in the same position as March 2015, and you need to follow his advice exactly this time around.

Please DO NOT GO BACK until you get the okay from Dr. Harley.

Will post more later.







Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
The last time you went on the show, Dr. Harley specifically mentioned being willing to work with you personally, which is HUGE blessing!

Please email him at:

mbradio@marriagebuilders.com


(Before doing anything)



Last edited by DidntQuit; 03/20/16 03:34 PM.
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Jim...

I'm sorry that you find yourself kicked out again.

After relistening to your show from March 2014, and Dr. Harley's email response advice from March 2015, I would say that you are in the same position as March 2015, and you need to follow his advice exactly this time around.

Please DO NOT GO BACK until you get the okay from Dr. Harley.




Will post more later.


DQ, have you got access to the shows that you mention above? I have the March 2014 show but not the March 2015. I would like to hear that again...DJ

Last edited by dividejim; 03/20/16 03:55 PM.

I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
Do not go home.

You are in this position because of your inability to stick to a plan. There is a long history here for her to be resentful over. If you are going to save this, you're going to have to finally PROVE that you can do things differently. It's going to take longer and be more difficult now that you are out of the house, but you put yourself here.

So, I ask again, what can you do differently? And how can you keep yourself motivated to keep at it?


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
Quote
DQ, have you got access to the shows that you mention above? I have the March 2014 show but not the March 2015. I would like to hear that again...DJ
You really should have been listening to your shows on a daily basis all this time. You should be telling US what Dr. Harley told you to do, not the other way around.

What does Dr. Harley tell men in your situation to do? How can you find out? What are you going to do? You've been here 4 years. It's time to up your game and stick with it if you want to have any hope of keeping her.

Are you going to take Dr. Harley up on his offer?


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here is your show from March, 2015. Do you remember the date of the other show?
dividejim's show


This is the most pertinent one. He was very specific about what needs to happen before you return.


Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
Date of other show is March 24th, 2014. Or maybe 25th or 26th. Having weekly UA planning with hubby can't look it up.

Page 15 of 18 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 18

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,071 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5