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Please update when you can.
Hope that you are still listening to mbradio during your commute. Each day, recently, there has been something which applies to your specific situation. Are you zeroing in on those segments?
I also hope that you continue with scheduled deposits until it becomes second nature. Would you please update on this?
It would like for you to plan a tentative weekly UA Date schedule. When you find an activity combo that deposits love units for your wife, do it every week on the same day. Please don't count grocery shopping or FHE as UA time. For the time being, I would count it as domestic support and family commitment. Somewhere on this website there should be a UA form to print out. It's also in 5 Steps. It will take you through the UA planning process. Can you do this?
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Hi DQ, I have been MIA for a week or so. My wife and I have been in a pretty difficult way now since about last Saturday. My talking about the past and my love busters has not been good enough for my wife. She is talking divorce again and I am so down over this. She has decided to go visit her parents alone next week. She wants me gone when she gets back. I think that my efforts have been too little too late. I don't see any improvement...she does not trust me. She is so angry and says the most horrible things to me like "...I hope you die in a fiery crash". She looked me in the eye this morning and told me repeatedly that she hates me. I am so lost! This is the result of 30+ years of neglect and it is very sad. We have nothing...she has no feelings for me and is constantly angry with me. Her dad had similar tendencies as me and she swore that she would never marry anyone like her dad. Now she looks at me and sees him. We haven't ever spoken to anyone outside of our marriage about any of the problems that we have. My wife said that she is going to start talking to her mother because she will understand. DQ, I am in the 11th hour and aside from a miracle, I don't see this marriage being saved.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Why MIA? Were you MIA with her too?
What happened to living like married people?These are dramatic shifts.
I don't think it's all about your lovenusters. It's also that your wife doesn't feel romantic love.
When you dated and it was all about the hormones, what thongs Reid you do?
Something you are saying when you discuss the problems is triggering her over and over. There must be a lovebuster that you keep doing without realizing it. She is trying to tell you, but you aren't picking it up. Your job is to address her complaint- not to teach her Marriage Builders.
Having said that, please email the radio show and ask Dr. Harley if you should leave or not, considering ill think that your wife would benefit from hearing you on the show. But I accept that others feel differently.
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Reposting previous post with changes:
Why MIA? Was that supposed to be an apology? It bothers me when you decide to go MIA.
Were you MIA with her too?
What happened to living like married people in the same bed? These are dramatic shifts.
When you dated and it was all about the hormones, what things did you do to fill her romantically?
Something you are saying when you discuss the problems is triggering her over and over. There is some annoying thing you keep doing over and over. She has tried to explain it, but you aren't picking it up. Your job is to address her complaints- not to teach her MB or point out what she needs to fix to comply with MB.
Having said that, please email the radio show and ask Dr. Harley if you should leave or not, considering her asking you to leave, then asking you back, then telling you to move out before she gets home. (Her asking for divorce is a way of saying that her pain is too deep and she sees no hope of you changing.)
I still think that your wife would benefit from hearing you on the show. Not to teach her a lesson- to hear Dr. Harley discuss the problems with you. I think that hearing Dr. Harley interact with you would give her hope because it would present a more accurate picture of Marriage Builders than the one which you have shown her.
Don't let your discouragement override your intelligence. Keep up your deposits, Jim. Show your willingness. Divorce is a LONG way off...
Are you are changing your mind about saving your marriage? Are you going to follow up with Dr. Harley?
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Have you seen your doctor about having some antidepressants prescribed for the short term to help you hold it together and stick to the plan?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Jim, I sincerely hope that you were able to get in contact with Dr. H. After listening to the radio show today, I have a glimmer of hope that you may have. Am I right?
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Please update. What steps are you taking?
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Did you talk with Dr. Harley?
Are you moving out?
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