Originally Posted by anonymityplease
Call me dense, but I honestly didn't realize 2 years ago that she was so determined to end it all.

If she was determined to end it all, she would have. The fact that she hasn't left yet, 2 full years later, means that you do have a chance to turn this around. But as ML stated, it will not happen with you being complacent and enabling. Even if she does end the affair and you stay married, if you don't do do this the right way, you will not recover your marriage. You are seeing right now that despite your best efforts, and seemingly years of ineffective counseling, you are worse off than you were 2 years ago.