Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by CowardlyLion

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Hello CowardlyLion, welcome to Marriage Builders. You didn't ask for advice, but I will give it anyway. You are causing incredible damage by saying those things to your wife. Stop saying that to her. Of course a wife will "frown" if you say such things to her. When was the last time you viewed porn and how does she verify you have really stopped?

I welcome any advice given and really appreciate the gesture. I wasn't completely clear. I never verbally said anything to her, disparaging her in any way. But my wife looks a certain way. And when she saw the women I had tried to get with before her and the women who were present in my porn she knew I wasn't into the type of girl that she is. It wasn't something you could change. In a man's world, when you're told your only value is your appearance, not fitting your husbands preference or even his "acceptable" type, your security isn't going to be in a very secure place.

Did you read my post? You simply recited back to us the reasons porn is bad for marriages, the contrast effect. However, it seems the porn hasn't stopped so naturally you would feel this way. Can you please read and respond to the letter I posted from Dr Harley?

I recently had a discussed upon relapse, where my behavior, though not technically bottom line or inner circle, was inappropriate and I was focusing too much on something that was sexual. We decided to reset my sobriety date of about a year. It is now at one month.

Are you stil masturbating?

Sorry for the late response. I haven't been present on this forum for a while.

Yes, the pornography has stopped. The masturbation was discussed with my wife. She has been okay with me masturbating as long as I let her know I'm going to and that I don't use any type of aid. But, after my recent relapse, I just decided I wanted no part of the masturbation. If I wasn't able to get my wife to a place where we could connect sexually, then I wasn't going to have sexual release. And that's that.

The last time I viewed porn has now been 11/14/19, when my wife asked me to sit and watch a particular type of porn, so that she could open a dialogue about it. I have not viewed any type of pornography since then, and have once again reset my date of sobriety to 11/15. I did this because I don't want any "loopholes" or the ability for any addict behavior convincing myself that if I do "X" it won't count as a relapse.
So, the last time I viewed pornography, my wife was present the entire time.