Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,422
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,422
I got this in an email and thought I'd share it.<P><B>On the Verge of Leaving</B><P>Above Rubies <P>Once upon a time a marriage encountered great difficulties. The husband and wife both carried hurting wounds from their past and inflicted fresh wounds upon each other. Locked into their individual conscious and subconscious memories of the past, they perpetuated the hurts instead of easing them and sharing them. Like many strong men, the husband was unable to communicate his feelings and she, weak and full of self-pity, was at a loss to handle the new lacerations. <P>Both, desperately needing comfort from each other, blindly boxed the wrong foes and were knocked out! <BR>She quietly decided to leave. She had done all she knew to do. She had prayed, told God she was sorry, tried, prayed, and tried again, but knew that neither she nor her husband could go on. She knew that she needed help, that he needed help, but that he would go deeper into "hiding" if she left. "Is there nothing I can do?" she asked God in desperation as she was at the point of leaving. To her immense surprise, He answered, "Yes!" "It is the answer to every human relationship. It is this. Look at this man through My eyes and do for him what I have done for you. Die to your needs, your wants and serve him as though he was ME. Do as I say in MY word-serve your husband as unto the Lord." <P>In a flash of understanding she saw her husband through the Lord's eyes. This man was deeply hurt, inarticulate, unable to express his deepest feelings or to realize that his reactions to her arose out of terrible frustrations. She saw that as Christ looked at her with all her horrible ways, yet loved and accepted her, just so could she accept the love her husband, no matter what the cost to her. "Oh, Lord," she said, "Enable me to do this, for You and for him." A deep, sweet peace descended upon her heart and soul and Gods own strength flowed into her. <P>Just as quietly as she had prepared to leave, she prepared to stay. She prepared herself to stay in spirit and soul as well as body, a total person at her Lord's and her husband's command. This story has a happy ending.... The husband has no idea of what his Lord has restored to him because he has no idea of what he nearly lost! He is newly pleased by his wife's love and kindness and surprised at her tranquillity under all circumstances. Out of her acceptance of him as he is, he shows that he is a fine and good man. As his hurts heal, he no longer needs to hurt another. He is able to love and receive the love he longed for always. <P>And what about the wife? Whatever the husband has received, she has received a thousand times more. In that moment of seeing through God's eyes, not only her husband but herself as well, she died forever to any wrong ideas she had held as to her rights to have any rights. In the giving up she gained the whole world and lost her greatest impediment to her own happiness-her selfishness. <P>She now knows, with joyous clarity, that the message of the cross is the message to the whole world and the answer to every human problem. She knows that, far from failing, she has passed the only test that matters, the test of loving with God's love, the test of obedience to the One who knows all things. She has learnt that with her own frail, petty love she could never love her husband to the depths of what God asks of us. But that there is no higher degree to be attained in the physical, cultural or intellectual spheres than the one she has obtained in the Kingdom of God. <BR>She knows too, that as unlovingness on her part has been overcome with love on God's part, something unseen but blindingly bright beautifully has taken place in God's economy. She can confidently say, now, to others who are at odds with husbands, wives, parents, children, employers, employees, friends and neighbors-"There is a way, a sure way. It is the way of love, the love of the cross of Jesus Christ, which never fails." <P>She knows too, that those who cannot rule and reign in their homes in love, can never be chosen to rule and reign in God's heavenly kingdom. The only failure which has eternal consequences is the failure to love with God's love. <BR>

Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 848
H
hw Offline
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 848
Hi, aw how are you doing?<P>This was great. I was seriously thinking about sending this to my h, but I'm not sure! Looking at him and myself through God's eyes is was has given me this incredible love and forgiveness despite his continued affair and his mentioning the d word. The Lord works in amazing ways and you never know, I'm not sure that things are as good as he says, but maybe they will be one of the few that do work out!<P>Well, I pray you are doing well and know that I am still praying for you and h.<P>hw

Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 669
T
Taj Offline
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 669
Rootbeer,<P>This is powerful and all truth! Never can we overcome the death grip of a marriage in the throes of an affair until we are able to see things from God's perspective. The precious saint of God, Amy Carnichael encourages us to look at each trial as a new opportunity to die to self. Self does not die easily and unless we of our own free will look to God for the strength to become more of who He wants us to be we will continue to seek our own way and not God's. God hates divorce.....we as women of God must hate it too!<BR>Thanks for the post.<BR>Blessings, Taj

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 79
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 79
Thank you so much for this gift. You cannot know how much I needed it tonight. I will be on my knees praying to follow the way of the cross.<P>Peace . . .

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 117
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 117
Thankyou AW,<P>I see my husband in this little story, the deep hurts and the pain he causes others out of his own frustrations. I can see my H through Gods' eyes and that is what has sustained me. I love my H and pray my love for him can help heal his wounds. <P>My parents can't understand the stand I have taken and though they don't say it, I know by the way they act what they think. I am going to send them a copy of this story and just maybe it will give them some insight as to why I am standing rather than leaving. Maybe it will also help them to see him though God's eyes also.<P>Thankyou again for the beutiful story.<P>------------------<BR>Irene

Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,422
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,422
I love this story. It really struck a chord with me that I HAVE to look past the abuse and see the deep pain and need in my husband. Every day I have to ask God again to help me love my husband the way He does and to see him through His eyes, its hard to do sometimes when my dh has done some pretty unlovable things the day before. <P>The part the really spoke to my heart was this sentence: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Look at this man through My eyes and do for him what I have done for you. Die to your needs, your wants and serve him as though he was ME. Do as I say in MY word-serve your husband as unto the Lord."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It would be so much easier to take the advice of the world, just give up and walk away. Yet to do that, in my situation, would be being disobedient to the Lord. Its a hard choice sometimes, but the Lord is seeing me through it. He takes away the heartache, and reminds me that He will deal with my husband in His time.<P>hw - I am doing well, thanks! Have been super busy at work lately, so I haven't been able to get on-line much. Hope you are surviving the finals ok. I think of you often and I too am still praying for you and your h.<P>Taj, wow, you are so right. So many times for me the self-righteous attitude I had that my dh wronged me and should be making up for what he did caused more damage to our recovery than anything else. Dying to self is SO HARD!!!<P>gatorgirl, I'm glad the story blessed you. When I read it the first time, I just couldn't stop crying, it was like the Lord was speaking straight to my heart. And I was so convicted. <P>S&L, my parents also were mortified when I let my h move back home after what he'd done to me for so long. And they are Christians. When my dad first became very sick, and I went to see him, I asked him to pray for my h, and his heart immediately softened. He said to me that the Lord can change anybody, even my h. I take comfort now knowing that my dad is in heaven petitioning the Lord on my h's behalf. You're in my prayers dear sister.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,086 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5