Dear Cheryl, Thank you for your post. My husband and I have been separated for over a year and a half and I believe the divorce may have been finalized. I want you to know your post has strengthened my resolve to wait on the Lord to work in my husband’s heart and circumstances. My husband decided marriage wasn’t what he wanted after we had dated and were married for a total of six years. He has had a couple of girl friends and it was just about the end of me.<P>Like GnomeDePlume replied many of us could prevent these very complicated situations by remaining single and focusing on a fulfilling relationship with our creator. At times it is difficult to deal with the “loneliness” of not having a husbnad in the house, but how many couples do we know that are unhappy with their spouse in the house. <P>Cheryl, when Jesus was asked....<BR>“Now then, at the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?" Luke 20:33<BR>Jesus in His wisdom did not reply directly to the question. It is what He did not say that I call to your attention. He did not say it was the first husband, nor did he say was the husband that treated her best, nor did he answer it is the husband she loved with her heart, nor did he claim it was the husband she created children with. He did not answer the question directly.<BR> <BR>As we get farther from the principles the Lord provided for us to live by it is hard to see a clear cut biblical answer to our simple minded questions. Questions formed out of need for personal fulfillment...selfishness. We are asking the wrong question. That is why Jesus doesn’t respond to the Pharisees, they never ask the right question. Human beings inevitably make the question about there own happiness...<P>The Declaration of Independence proclaims:<P>“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”<P>If the forefathers truly were representing the heart of Christ in the document a man’s pursuit would have been for whose happiness? <P>Cheryl, I can tell by your post that you are concerned that to leave your second husband and be rejected by your first husband would put you in the dreaded position of singleness. It also opens the door for a third marriage in yet another attempt to fill the void in your heart that your first husband couldn’t fill, that your second husband isn’t filling...not even your children could fill it. There is a special reason for that void that each of us have in our heart. I believe it is a catalyst that eventually propels a great number of us in sin to seek the Lord, to cleave to Him and allow Him to direct our path. He created us with a purpose as you seek Him; He will uncover His plan for your life. Try not to be distracted by your heart, your flesh and by the lies of the world.<P>Cheryl, there is not an answer in any of these replies to your situation. Set aside all of your “feelings”. Feelings made you miserable in your first marriage, made it seem like adultery and abandonment of your children could be justified for your happiness...determine to live in obedience to God and His Holy Word. He will guide you and lead you in the direction you should go. WAIT FOR THE LORD! Relieve your mind of the argument found in these posts and dwell on what is lovely and pleasing to the Lord.<P>Cheryl, you can know the Heart of God by reading the scriptures. Read in the Palms and Proverbs each day. When your heart is seized by anxiety over “who is my husband”...remember that is not from God...The scriptures tell us that the Lord is our husband. Begin to cast down the imaginations of your mind, seek the face of God...found on the pages of His Word. <P>Dear sisters and brothers in Christ Jesus, <BR> <BR>“Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise-- why destroy yourself?” <BR>Ecclesiastes 7:16<P>I am blessed to see that there are so many passionately helpful people with the intention of helping those of our brothers and sisters and sisters who are hurting. We are all very blessed to have such encouragement at our fingertips. I understand the argument that is taking place...and when we are tempted to engage in a conversation that brings strife and division we should remember our the Word says to speak to each other in psalms and hymns and we should remember what the word says...<P>“Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.” 2 Timothy 2:23<P>I believe that Jesus came to the earth and He held up a “standard” for us to rally around. In the situation of adultery Jesus’ standard is forgiveness. As shown to the woman that was to be stoned. I am hoping that my Heavenly Father’s standard for forgiveness includes forgetting...casting my sin as far as east is from the west.... To the deepest part of the sea never to be seen again. <P>Cheryl, I believe you are looking form relief from the emptiness and anxiety and confusion you feel. There are no bones wrapped in flesh walking on this earth that can do that for you...including yourself. Make a commitment to seek the Lord in all that you do. Repent for your sin and foolishness of the past and ask Him for direction in your life. Your goal should be how can I better serve my Lord and in faith believe that He will take your messed up situation and straighten it out. Don’t pursue your first husband, don’t dump your second husband instead pray fervently for the Lord to direct your life. He will open and close the doors for you. <P>Proverbs 3:5-7 “...in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.” <P>Luke 3:5 “Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.”<P>Jeremiah 31:9 “They will come with weeping; they will pray as I bring them back. I will lead them beside streams of water on a level path where they will not stumble,”<P>The Lord did not attempt to tell the woman at the well who her husband was and she had five of them. If it had been so important He would have addressed it! He did not attempt to answer the questioning of the Pharisees in Luke 20...instead each time He spoke of what is truly important...getting hold of the knowledge that Jesus is Lord and having a relationship with Him. <P>Your life, like that of the Samaritan women at the well can be used to testify to the glory of God. Jesus told the woman who was to be stoned go and sin no more...We are to stop sinning and let God straighten out what we have made crooked. Please do not reduce your life in to a choice of this man or that. You are a child of God...begin living for His Glory and let Him work out the situation. <P> “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble” 1 Peter 3:8<P>Your sister in Christ, Mrs. A.<P>PS...I want to thank you for the courage to post your situation here. It has encouraged me on the course of beleiveing for the return of my husband and not to complicate it with dating or remarrying. I will be praying you see God's blessing in your life, regardless of your siuation.

I was wondering how long it would take you to do this, Mrs. A.<P>Ecclesiastes...means Wisdom. I f you have an old Bible, that is what they used to call it. It is an excellent book. The confusion here is with different versions of that same talk with the Pharisees in the New Testament. Too bad, the New Testament's intent was to modernize, and explain the Old Testament...no wonder the Jewish folks didn't get in line (forgetting the whole Messiah thing for a moment)...it was intended from the start to do that, but it fails miserably because of discrepancies in it. Hardliners support the version in Matthew, and Luke and John BOTH take a softer position on it. I agree that Luke is best for me. That is Jesus's style, and the MAIN thing in the New Testament...the message to me is that this is between you and God. Your feelings...i.e. your heart and soul speak very clearly, but you seek earthly approval for it. Stop that. You have your answer from God, don't you? Remain convicted to that, that is what God is telling you, I THINK. What I think is unimportant, its what you think, and feel, and believe that is important here. You cannot simply 'set aside' feelings, although I do understand what you are saying, Mrs. A, I do. Don't let your feelings cloud the issue, that's all. Some of them are genuine, and holy...some of them are not. This is the nature of the struggle between good and evil. We have taken great litereary license, and 'dumbed it down' for the lowest denominator, which kind of invalidates it to the thinking person. The Bible is like that in places; too complex and symbolic in others (Try to read Revelation, Ezekiel, Deuteronomy, Amos, and others...too much drama, not enough substance.). There are books, however, that speak to me in a language I can understand. James, all of Paul's letters, Ecclesiastes, Proverbs (mostly), Psalms, Malachi, and others. They are practical advice for living a just life, and who doesn't want that?<P>I stand by my original advice, Cheryl. You have indicated to me that you want foremost to restore your original marriage, I am certain that God is asking to to do that: the way He works is to open your eyes, and let you decide. He wants you to choose Him, your marriage questions will be answered, and your needs provided by Him, not your H, or XH.<P>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 03, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 03, 2001).]

Mrs. A,<BR> You know full well that forgiveness at the Lord's level includes forgetting. Otherwise, it is NOT forgiveness, is it? Forgive yourself FIRST...forgive the transgressions of others, and of yourself...that includes some forgetting, too. The only 'need' to remember we can produce in our secular world is to prevent it from happening again, but do you see the lack of faith in that? Society trains us to remember all of everyone's past transgressions, and THAT DOES NOT WORK.<P>What did Erin tell you at the VERY beginning of 'Restore'? She (and Dan) both told me to 'reconcile myself with the Lord.' Okay, it was chapter three, I checked. Do you think you should be 'reconciled with your brother', and yet not with yourself? NO. Be at peace with yourself, too. You cannot approach God with a heart that is fighting itself. Recall about the 'double-minded man', and how God abhors that.<P>I am sooooo happy that you are here, Mrs. A...too bad we can't work more closely on this...did you pray for a woman? Maybe Cheryl here is that woman? Cheryl, did you go to Restore Minstries yet? Are you serious? Remember about when two join in His name and ask....<P>Take care, both of you...I am praying!<BR>God bless us all.<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 03, 2001).]