messeduplife, I hate to tell you this, but there IS NO WAY to avoid destroying your H!<P>My W has been trying not to "destroy" me for 6 months now...its not working. Unless your H is exactly as unhappy as you are, he will be hurt no matter what. After 27 years of marriage, how could he be anything but sad to see it end? I know you're hoping he'll say: "thank God! I've been unhappy for years, too...when can we fill out the papers, honey?!"...but I doubt that will happen.<P>I don't know your story (perhaps you could fill us all in...?), but I would guess your H doesn't necessarily want a divorce? You seem pretty sure that divorce is the only way to go. I'm sorry to say that you will most certainly hurt your H. There is no way to "soften the blow," or "make it easier." No, this is a very hard thing for a person to deal with. <P>The only thing I could offer is: If this is what you really want...DON'T WAFFLE! Don't waver, don't change your mind, don't say "maybe we'll work it out," don't show him any guilt, or sorrow, or pain, because if you really want to divorce your H, and you also don't want to hurt him, DO NOT give him ANY hope that the marriage can be saved. I can tell you from personal experience that hope is the most painful thing of all. As cruel as it sounds, whatever you do: don't give him hope! <P>You cannot avoid it: Divorce hurts, and hurts badly. You can make it easier by being honest, open, and above all, consistent. If divorce is the ONLY option for you, then be prepared to hurt your H terribly. Your freedom comes at a price, and that price is his pain. There is no other way around it.