I've discovered this site recently through a google search. Here's the "Reader's Digest" version of my story:<p>About 12-18 months ago (not quite sure of time frame), my H began an affair. The OW was someone he met in a programming class, and he lied to me about it until this March when he confessed and moved out.<p>I was heartbroken, obviously. He is still maintaining the affair. She is married, has her husband's "approval" to have overnights at my H's place. <p>I do not know how to deal well with this using Plan A or Plan B. H was here today for father's day, but my resentment is getitng the best of me. <p>He tells me affair ends IF we reconcile. I think that's backwards... not sure what to do here, even though Plan A says to wait for it to die naturally. I'm sure my anger and resentment and anxiety are making thigns worse.<p>Anyone there with suggestions or encouragement?<p>I'm willing to work with him--marriage counseling, etc. We are married almost 24 years, and I'm at my wit's end. <p>Thank you.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, although I'm very sorry your situation is like it is. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How much have you read on this site? That's where you want to start. There's some links in my signature line with some good info.<p>Plan A is probably where you want to start. Identify and improve any contributions YOU made to the state of your marraige that made an A convenient. THe A is NOT your fault, but no marriage is perfect, and you made some contributions to it.<p>Learn what your H's biggest EN's are , and begin meeting them. Learn what LB's are, and avoid those. <p>The links in my sig line will help you with those.<p>I am stepping out on a limb here and recommending you make sharp changes in yourself, and move to Plan B fairly quickly. <p>Keep in mind that we arent profesionals on this forum, but most affairs and affairess follow very typical patterns, which is why the Harley principles work so well in saving and improving marriages, as well as building individual strength.<p>Good luck.... read lots... roll up your sleeves and get to work! And post with questions often!

Thanks, Faith.<p>I'm reeling here still. I do have a doc appt this week, I have been having a number of problems myself which I think aren't fault of this situation,although they contribute. Severe perimenopausal problems which have been affecting my emotional state... on large doses of progesterone and it's been a rollercoaster for me. Sure H hates my moods right now. And Fathers day was very hard on me because he is so close to our girls (we have four daughters, 3 teenagers and 1 much older who is in grad school).<p>Called him earlier tonight to tell him meds have made me sick to my stomach (was literally puking) and told him he was "on call" for child chauffeuring. Two kids working and another at a youth group. I only have one car, so he had to roll up his sleeves and dig in. He didn't like that plan, but I was polite. He thinks I'm looking for pity, but hey... I really didn't want to drive while praying to the porcelain god either. So, I just gave him the reasoning, he grunted, I said thanks as nicely as possible and hung up.<p>I asked him to go to marriage counseling. I am seeing a therapist, and she did suggest this herself. He is saying he'd go begrudgingly if it were called "divorce counseling." Should I push this issue? The therapist is helping me somewhat, but I am hesitant to go with him because of his comment and because I think he may believe people are ganging up on him.<p>I haven't posted here before, but joined earlier this year. Was lurking for quite sometime, never had the guts to post. But, have been getting a bit more comfortable with discussing this situation with others since been seeing therapist.<p>Thanks.