Hi, have been here on this board lurking with a few posts since d day 6 weeks ago. H has been having EA (soon to be PA) for the last year. Married 18 yrs, together 25, no children. Went to counseling for the last 4 weeks, with 2 phone counseling sessions with Steve Harley, and H once on Monday. In counseling yesterday he announced he no longer wanted to stay, and counselor and I asked what he wanted to happen next. He said he really had not thought about the details, just was happy to make his true feelings known. I had been trying to plan a my best, with LB off and on for the last few weeks. Many meltdowns, lack of sleep, lost weight and trouble maintaining my high pressure job. Counselor said that if he was going to continue realtionship with OW, he should not be doing it in my face. I agreed, and said that was what i wanted. We left in tears, came home and had major LB fest. He left and went to his shop, and has not come back, although he will need to come home to make a definite plan to leave. There are no sleeping facilities there. OW supposedly does not want him at her house, because they are not at that point yet. So I spent the first night alone last night after 25 years with him. 2 hours sleep was all i could muster. Very sad, and lonely and left with all the thoughts of them together. Cannot get much lower than this. Well, that is what I thought a few weeks ago. It seems to be a very deep pit. Thanks for any input.

CantSleep, <p>I feel very sorry for you and I feel you pain. I am also a BS.<p>Believe it or not, you have made progress. The honesty and openesss to this point has enabled you to make some choices, short term pain or long term suffering. Neither is a good choice, but one or both will happen. I have been there, to simply say it hurts just does not say enought.<p>And NONE of this was YOUR choice. Yes both spouses have blame to create the conditions for an A, but the WS makes the decision to have the A.<p>You stood up for yourself when you agreed the A is not to be done in your face, you may have been really saying, "it stops or your out"<p>Now, if you have not done so, start reading the MB basic concepts on this site, learn about the ENs, and why affairs happen, you have already read about LBs, learn about the four guidelines for successfur negotiation I'll try to insert the site
Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation<p>This may help you when you are talking to him again.<p>CantSleep, the pit does not have steep walls, you will get out, post here, there is a lot of experience and good advice from those who have been there, as you know [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good luck<p>DRS

Well your H made it 2 weeks longer than my W did. She left 4 weeks after D-day. The first couple weeks are the worst. Try to be around friends. Right now I feel better than I have since before D-day. I am really growing comfortable being alone. Not ready for DV yet, but I feel better about that outcome than I ever thought I could be. Hang in there, I know it hurts, but you will make it one way or the other.

Thanks for your input. I talked to him today and is staying away at least for the next few days. Then he will have to come back and plan to move out or something. Meanwhile he is happy to be out of thehouse with all the stress, and able to talk to his love with no interruptions. And still very few people know. So all is fine for him right now. It is hard not to LB and be needy. I have no choice but to face the future, whatever it may be. He still acts like he is deciding whether to stay or go, but I do know what the answer is already. He is just buying a little more time. Cold reality is plan a. I know it is right that all you can do is sit back, improve yourself, and wait for the affair to take its course. And if all your love is not gone by the time they come to their senses, you might have a chance. I know that he says that if he does not go forward with her, he will always wonder what might have been. So if he stays he has already decided he would be miserable. Plus I am saying I still love him and want to work on it. So what is the penalty for going ahead? I see little risk for him, despite what he says.