asgoodasitgets,
I don't know whether we have 'talked' before, but I think I can answer your question about what to do.
I agree with the others who have mentioned plan B. You see, my H was full of promises and apparently 'really committed' to recovering our M. We were in MC for months, with H finally coming around to really wanting the M, really loving me, and supposedly understanding the work that we needed to do to recover our M. Unfortunately, he talked the talked but simply would not walk the walk; everything in the M, related to the A or not, even related to H's actions and issues were all my problems according to my H. I kept to plan A and held out as long as I could, but I went to plan B at exactly one year after d-day #1; the A was long since over, but H had not really changed anything else and even continued contact with OW and potential OW on the computer. I can see how plan B with 6 children would seem impossible, but please give it some serious thought.
Plan B really did make the difference here. H finally made changes and stopped taking the 'that is your problem' approach to everything. He took responsibility for his conduct and the effect that conduct had on others (and his own moral core), and he actually made changes that he stuck to. There were a few issues that were hold outs, and they almost ended the M, but I think those issues have also been wrestled under control.
Plan B (modified to deal with shared parenting of our two children) was the best thing I could have done. Frankly, I wish I had done it earlier. Perhaps I could have held onto some of the romatic love I used to feel so deeply for H, in addition to a list of other stuff which I won't bore you with.
Of course, plan B is best entered into after planning it and getting yourself in as good a position as you can; but even if it is sudden, it is doable.
I actually gave my H a warning of sorts before plan B, by telling him that I felt that the changes he promised were in word only and that immediate action (with details) was necessary because I was beginning to seriously contemplate separating. When he asked if I had a time frame in mind, I told him two weeks. At two weeks, we had a long discussion about what still needed changing (everything, because he had done nothing) and whether I was still thinking of separating (I was, even more); we even talked about the details of a separation, if I resorted to that. About a week after that, I went to plan B by asking him to move out; he would not agree at first, but then realized it was either that or I would petition the court for an exclusive possession order on our home and have it executed by the authorities, so he agreed. He asked me for my word that I would not start D proceedings for at least 90 days, which I gave. At about 100 days, I invited him to move back home, because he had made the big changes and was sticking to them (as far as I could tell).
So, I am really a believer in Plan B and its utility in getting a 'reluctant WS' to get with the program. There are no guarantees that Plan B will work, but when the alternative is a serious risk of another A, continuing to be hurt and having ENs go unmet, having a sham of a M, having the children dragged through emotional upheaval because one or both parents are very unhappy, etc., Plan B is definitely more acceptable (if not inherently attractive).
Tell the C and have a joint session a.s.a.p. to discuss his continued offensive conduct. That might be an ideal time to discuss your boundaries and the consequences of breaking those boundaries. Another thing to discuss, if you think you can (I did and it was effective), is what plan B (use "separation" if he or the MC is not MB-literate) would look like - when each person parents, who is in the house and when, what the financial arrangements would be, etc.
Let us know how things are going, okay?
Hugs,
OneDay
