In my opinion, you did cause a little tension with the flowers, but heres my take on it.

When OM found out plus all the coworkers (who are probably suspecting, gossiping about them anyway), it caused a real stir. Shes only angry because you brought a little reality check into her little paradise world at work. OM was probably mad and jealous, caused a little tiff, and your wife is taking it out on you.

it shows the extremes that a WS can go through, she was angry when you warned her about the roses (which I would not have warned her, it may have given it time for the roses to be hidden by coworkers), then she called and thanked you, but then got upset again.

Definitely do not pursue the relationship talk. Make sure your actions are speaking to her, not your words. WS's can feel very guilty when you tell them you love them, and they react with anger.

Imagine this, your wife is behaving like a baby, just let her scream at you having a tantrum, and let it go out the other ear. Guarantee she will stop after a while because she is not getting a reaction out of you.

YOu know why she wants to to react with anger, and get angry with her, its to get rid of her guilt. She wants you to make a move with divorce so she is not totally to blame.

YOu are lucky you are still living together (and hopefully will this weekend), make sure you Plan A to the max, absolutely no LB's, and do not push her into talking about the relationship.

You may want to consider calling Steve Harley, he can give you alot of guidance with dealing with her emotions. I asked him what to say when my WH told me he wanted a divorce. I just simply said I don't feel the same way, and changed the subject to something WH is interested about.

Do you have any ideas on what her top Emotional Needs are?? Does any of this come out in counseling?? What do you think is being offered by OM?? What was missing from your relationship that she gets elsewhere? Was it long hours at your job? etc.

I hope it goes well this weekend, if she tells you that you should not have sent the flowers, just say "I wanted to give you something as beautiful as you are", but don't push anything

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by need4concern:
<strong>Newest Update..W came home, and basically gave me a ultamateum. Either I get hotel room this weekend or she IS filing for D and will not give share (joint) custudy of my children..I getting worried and scared..Are these just scare tactics? need some reassurance..</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Need,

Don't you dare go anywhere. If she wants her "space" then she can go get a hotel room since she is the one who wants to be apart. By leaving you will only be facilitating her affair and that is the last thing you should ever do. You shouldn't leave your house NOR your bedroom to accomodate her. Let her do the leaving and the moving.

Nor will she be able to deny you the ability to have joint custody, that is determined by a judge, not by an adulterous spouse who is hell bent on destroying her family.

<small>[ October 04, 2002, 09:53 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

P.S. your MC sounds exceedingly lame and does not possess the ability to accurately assess the real problem. You are wasting your money so I would suggest calling Steve Harley for counseling. It is worth EVERY PENNY.

another morning, and the start of a new day. Well last night my W came down to talk, saying she was tired of arguing..Possible hope..Nope..She started to bring up the relationship, and I automatically got a little unsettled. Basically I don't know what to say, and what I do say,is it the right things. In a nut shell she wants a seperation or divorces. I said that is your decision but it is not what I want. She came back with, I'm just not happy. She proceeded to say she is sorry she can't give me what I want and that she has a whole lot of love to give, but does not want to give it to me. She has a pocketfull of knives and knows excactly where to put them in me. I continued to stand my ground no outbursts, no anger, just astonishment,and hurt. What do say when someone tells you that? How do you talk to someone who doesn't want to listen to you and ignors you and your fellings? W took the kids out today, who she was meeting and stuff, I don't know. I stayed in guest BR last night, after all she said I was to drained to argue or put up with anymore last night. I think I'm going to run and get His Needs Her Needs. Does anyone else have any other recommendations on books. She still hasn't admitted to a A, but it's pretty obvious there is A..Right ? I find myself wondering maybe she just doesn't want to be married to me because she does'nt love me..I don't know..I know it only gets worse, I'm just finding it harder and harder adjust to the different angles and shots that she is throwing at me..