Well, Xmas party fast approaching. I have dealt with my apprehensions about seeing OW. But now I have bigger fish to fry....

FWH and I were discussing how we would handle the party. There will be about 1000 people give or take. The problem: The other BS does not know about the A. He has suspicions which he voiced to whoever would listen last year (we were not there)and supposedly can get quite heated when drinking. What do I do if he approaches me? I do not feel it is my place to say anything (he had an inclination last summer and did not call me - wish he had then it wouldn't have gone as far) and I certainly don't want to get into it a the party. So what do I do? Anyone here been confronted by the other BS? Worried about their BS talking to the other?

Why not send him an anonymous letter or just pick up the phone and call him? How horrible for him to be around all the guilty parties and everyone BUT HIM has pertinent information about HIS OWN life. It is BEYOND CRUEL to withhold this information from him and let him come around the OM not knowing all the facts. I am sure that if he knew the truth he would not want to be around your WS and he should have the right to make this decision. Unfortunately, he cannot make an informed decision because no one has had the decency to give him all the facts.

I agree with ML. I'm not sure if you should be the one to tell him, but somebody has to. Like him, I was the last one to know about my W's A's, it's never pleasant, but that makes it that much worse.

Both my FWH and myself have discussed telling him. This will be a little long winded but I just want to make my position clear.

EA started beginning of last summer. Her H found an email from my H and confronted her threatening to tell me...she talks her way out of it. He has always had a clearer picture (although not the whole truth FROM her) than I because I was not in the same town during the majority of the A.

Now this is a little weird but we are all seeing the same MC. We did bring up telling her H but without breaking confidentiality, the MC said that some people see the truth, but don't want to see it.
From what I have been told he does know to some extent...ie that they were close friends, that my H was hitting on her. You are right ML no one has had the decency (although H wrote a letter of apology) and there are work related factors involved here. But the FOW has had numerous times to come clean with him.

It has been over for months (even though FOW has attempted contact) and I really don't know this guy. I have a new baby and this may be unfounded but I don't want to put my family in any danger.

I am not saying that if he asks I will not answer his questions, I just don't want to do it at a party.

Thank you for your honest answers. I wish he had told me too, but I am not the one to tell him what he already suspects...she is.

A_Grace,

I think its admirable that you are concerned about him, however, his wife is not the likely one to tell him the truth - she is the one who is committing the deceit. She is the one who is trying to hide the affair and is unlikely to tell him since she is the guilty party. I would just send him an anonymous letter and warn him rather than let him continue on in a state of ignorance about his own life. That would be the decent thing to do and you wouldn't be exposing yourself.

Gracie - thanks for your reply on my post.

I'm with ML as well, but I'm not so sure a letter should be anon. - that's just more mystery and deceit.

From your additional info it sounds like he has all the info he needs, but may not want to believe. I agree that the party is NOT the place to spill the beans. But if you go and BS asks you, perhaps answer that he should ask his wife - and say nothing more. OF COURSE she'll deny again, but it bats the ball right back into their court where it belongs. If this occurs, then after the party your H should come clean with him in a letter. Your H should avoid ALL contact with OW. JMHO.

WAT