Good Luck! Really listen to each other.

MM:

That's all GREAT news! And I know you'll be careful. I also know where she's coming from with this statement:

"4. She wants to hash everything out this weekend, to tell me EVERYTHING about her, what happened, what happened in Florida. She wants me to ask all the questions I want. And then she said, when we are done getting everything out, she wants this behind us, to not be continually brought up."

It's good that she's willing to talk to you about what happened and answer all your questions, but she should be careful about the wanting to put it all behind. That sounds too much like "forgetting the past." Maybe that's not what she's saying, but do be careful. She needs to give you as much time as you feel you need to ask your questions and understand what happened. But you also need to recognize her need to get past it, and so try not to badger her over the long haul.

Overall, a big congratulations in this next step!
-Qfwfq

Mortar,

All the rules still apply until you see the proof...NC letter, etc.

The suggestion was made that you be heard as well as hearing her. This is imperative. Also outline your thoughts so that you can address what you have been through-not poor me but in terms of changes; and what you need to see in the future. What steps she will need to make in helping the family heal...and what steps she might need to deal with the guilt she will face. It is important not to constantly dredge up the past but this is a two way street be sure she understands that. Have your plan for the future ready to discuss as well.

You have alot to consider. I may be the annoying voice of reason but only because I have been burned by not living the advice I give...I learned the hard way. I am thrilled at this turn of events but remain cautious.

The biggest hurlde has been crossed...OM OUT.

I will think more on this. This is a crucial time.

One thing is for certain...God is beyond us all.

Remember...protect those kids...protect yourself...but again as your son said if the OM is out of the picture she belongs home. I whole-heartedly agree.

continuing prayers,

ayslyne

MM,

This is wonderful news and I hope it works out!

MM,

WELCOME TO RECOVERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It' been a long road for both of you. You'll both do great - just take it slow and easy!!!

MITT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MM,

I am very happy for your family right now. It is my prayer that an honest to goodness true recovery will now begin for you, your wife, and the children. Nobody else matters.

I want to caution you per one of your wifes statements though. That being her reaction to you getting re-deployed. If there ever was a red flag raised in your conversations with her this one statement was it.

Understanding her mindset on this is more important than anything you may want to know about her affair, in my humble opinion. Why? Because this will be in the future of your marriage. You won't want to come home from that possible deployment to find something amiss again.
Can you get out of the service soon?

Find answers to that statement as soon as you can.

Good luck MM. Happy for you.

jd

MortarMan I hope that you convey to her that a marital plan of action is an absolute must for not only healing but to rebuild the M. One in which boundaries like, no individual friendships, sharing of feelings, or time alone with a member of the opposite sex, are strictly observed. Creating an emotionally safe environment in which both can freely express yourselves towards one another (open and honest), without the fear of being punished for doing so to create true intimacy. And religiously following the POJA(Policy Of Joint Agreement). I truely hope that God has really blown the fog from your W's brain.

Hi MM,

I've been very busy between work, school and family. First I've been able to check in. I am so happy for you I want to cry. I'm also afraid to get my hopes up for you because you have been here before, except, she is now home.

Proceed with caution, I want the best for you and your family. I hope the fog is truly gone and you and Mrs MM can work on recovery.

I'm tired right now, so this is the best I can come up with. You have received many good responses from others here.

Take care.

good stuff MM, I'm really happy for you. now's the time to prove that you have really changed, that she has really changed.

MM: I will continue to pray for you, because the hard part is not over.

I want you to know, if I was you, I would in no way agree to never bringing it up again, because it is a promise I could not keep, if I was in your position. I am not you, my wife is not your wife, so maybe you can. But we are 15 months into recovery, and I could not have let everything go all at once. There is still one last thing I am struggling with, and we may need to talk about. Maybe not. At some point the answers become unimportant, and only the present and future matters. It has taken me 15 months to get close to that point. A way to structure things so you don't dwell on the past, or end up beating her up with it, is to read through "Torn Asunder" together. While Harley's SAA gets at the root of what TA calls "The Message of the Affair" better than any other book, I like TA's approach to recovery, and the different recovery tasks of the BS and WS, better than Harley's stuff.

I want to share a couple other things that helped in our recovery: Pray out loud with her and privately for her every day. God showed me how everything my wife had done to me, I had done to Him. I now have a much clearer understanding of all those Old Testament passages that link idolatry and adultery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You may have different lessons to learn, but God will teach you still more in the pain that is to come. Do not hide from it with anger.

Hi MM,

How is it going? Well, I hope