A few weeks ago I posted a thread about confronting the OW. Lots of replies ....thanks everyone. I have thought long and hard about this, and decided to do something I feel I need to do. I believe I need to show OW that she took some of my self - worth by having an emotional affair with my H, especially once she knew he had told me about it, and continued to email him, have lunch with him etc, etc.... I hold my H 50% responsible for this, and her 50% responsible. I have been angry with him, and I believe he knows what all this has done to me. I feel however, that she had her cake and ate it, so to speak...taking from my H those things she needed, instead of addressing deficiencies in her own marriage. She has never had to face the fact that someone else (me) has had to deal with the pain all this has caused. She participated in this as much as he did, and didn't stop even after I knew. I have addressed the problems which helped lead to this situation (my contribution - the needs I wasn't meeting for my H), and are still going to individual counselling - my H does not want couple counselling. I want to give her a wakeup call, and restore some self worth for myself, especially as others in their workplace know about their good friendship, and my H has told quite a few people that he is emotionally ivolved outside his marriage - wouldn't take much for them to put 2 & 2 together. I feel humiliated. He has recently moved out of home. Anyway, I feel that I need to deal with her....I've dealt with him. I have thought about sending a big bunch of scarlet helium balloons to their workplace, anonymously of course, with a card attatched for everyone to see....it would have to go through reception and through other offices to theirs...and attatch a quote about infidelity / betrayal of intimacy...in large printing to the card. Office gossip should do the rest. A wakeup call and reminder of the fact that others are affected here, without actually confronting her in person...and it would give me back some of what I have lost...self worth, strength etc, and have her lose a bit of self respect herself amongst her workmates, where all this went on. <P> Heres the crunch....I need a good quote re. infidelity or betrayal which would be tasteful, but to the point, remembering this is, so far as I know, still an emotional affair...although they have talked many times about moving out together etc...<P>Please help me find something!!!! No religious quotes please....don't think it would have the desired effect as neither she nor I am christian.<P>Thanks, I'm sure some of you might be able to help me.

Sosad, I know EXACTLY what you're saying. I could have written it myself. The feelings of wanting to get even are horrid and overwhelming. I've thought for months about what I could do to get back at the OW, and came up with some pretty good ones. What stopped me was that she would KNOW I had done it, and she would have the last laugh. Sending a bunch of red balloons with an infidelity quote? It won't be anonymous for long, I'm afraid. You might find it has the opposite effect -- they'll know it was you, and laugh about it. And it will do absolutely nothing to deposit love units in your H's love bank. If you think it will make her show remorse, think again.<P>I'll tell you a story about a friend of mine, so you'll see how remorseless and uncaring people can be.<P>My friend had another friend call the OW and say "I hope you're happy, Janet (name change) just tried to kill herself and we don't know if she'll make it. Her note was all about the pain you'd caused her, and I just wanted you to know that you caused this".<P>Silly, I know. But Janet felt she had no choice -- she had to get the OW to feel bad about what she'd done. <P>The OW's response? "Good, I hope she doesn't make it. She never would have been in this position if she'd treated her H properly in the first place!" <P>And slammed the phone down.<P>See what I mean? They don't care. And this OW is not going to care or feel bad if she gets a bunch of balloons and an inflammatory card from the "crazy" wife. They always blame you, sorry to say.<P>Try to invest your energy in yourself, instead of letting this OW live rent free in your head and color your existence. I did it for too long, and wasted precious months of my life. You have nothing to gain by carrying this idea out, and everything to gain by putting her out of your head and taking care of YOU.<P>Good luck, I do feel for you.

Thanks C in NYC. I thought that the humiliation around their workplace might just shake her a bit....I don't care if she knows it's from me...in fact I know she would. Thought it might just draw attention to her, and make her feel a bit of a fool....better than yelling and screaming at her like I feel like doing sometimes. I believe she values very highly other peoples opinion of her....and believe she wouldn't be happy for people to know she was involved with my H, especially as she is married herself. I know this workplace, and believe the arrival at the reception of something like this would cause enough humiliation to her to shake her up a bit....I don't think she would do too much laughing about it....maybe I'm wrong, but I think she values her reputation fairly highly.

As much as you would like to, I would suggest you not do it. When perople are in the midst of this kind of thing, they dn't care about anyone else. The pain you are going through means nothing to her. And she will continue, despite of whatever you do, if she wants to. In my situation, I did confront the OW. I heard all the stuff about how it is over between them, never to callher agin because I will have no need to, etc...and here it is almost 2 years later and she is still in the thick of it woth him. Two marriages torn to shreads. Save yourself the grief and don't do it. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Quotes:<P>REmember people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. YOu may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.<P>I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.<P>To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the <BR>person one desires to be. <P>If all men told the truth, the tears of the women would create another flood. <P>AND ONE OF MY FAVORITES:<BR>Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.<P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough<P>

You probably don't want to hear from me since I was once a OW...but I thought I'd let you know what my reaction would be...it might not be the reaction you're looking for.<P>Instead of thinking I've hurt this woman, I should back off...I would probably think, this woman is crazy, I need to save her husband from her. The office gossip might start, but it might not be about her...<P>I'm not saying that you are crazy...you have every right to be angry and full of revenge...I would feel the same way. <P>It might also be a HUGE lovebuster!

Thanks everyone....yeh holly you are probably right, I just feel so desperate to humiliate her in some way....just want her to skwirm a bit....this whole thing has turned me into someone who I am not...and then he left anyway.....help!!!

In spending so much time thinking about the OW you are giving her a lot of power over YOUR life and emotions. She doesn't know or care. <P>This weekend the OW said to my H "You're back with your wife. You two deserve each other." How stupid and twisted...and meaningless as well. Did she deserve him--a skank doing a married man? <P>The only time I now spend thinking about her is in prayer. I pray that she will be convinced and convicted of sin, judgment and righteousness. God will take it from there.