i am in new mexico. my dad is supposed to help me w/money for a lawyer.i think i said that earlier in the last post.

tonight i went w/my sister her fiance, my other sister and her husband, my cousin her husband, and another cousin to hear a band my sister was lookin into hiring for her wedding. so we were having fun laughing at the ppl dancing..well then i saw a couple who were dancing and looked all happy..and it popped in my head..that is how my wh and the whore are. Happy!! man...i hadnt thought about him or whore like that since i had gotten there..

my sisters say i deserve better, that if he could leave his kids like he has he is not worth it.. that doesnt even seem like something that i even understand or believe.

they dont get why i want him back, but i do!

bump <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

********bump************

i am so deep in this nightmare..i feel like it will never end, like i will never wake up. my husband and his decision to betray me and my kids really hurts me.

every week that goes by i count a new week of his "leaving." today is 17 wks. some have said to stop the counting...

like i said in a earlier post, *dont bash me on the next part*, i passed by his house this weekend while at work w/my work friend. she and i had a long lunch and some time on our hands. he (i am sure it was him, he is in the army reserves) put up a flag outside, the kind you attach a bracket to the house. my friend said that (and i agree 100%) that means he is not leaving her anytime soon, and i said to her that to me that is a sign he is settling in well and making that his home.

tuesday 1-21-03 was the day he left ME for her. the day he left his children and didnt look back, for her! i think i am hating tuesdays. what a thing..there will be tuesdays in my life for the rest of my life. i really dont think i will be able to get over this. i am not proud that i am not, i am not proud that this is consuming me, it just is.

i really want my life/husband/family back, and she has it. God i sware i appreciate your help here on the board, i really do. i do read the posts, i do listen. i have read that she hasnt won, to not pass by, to get on w/my life, to take care of my kids. i am trying to do the first parts, but i am for sure taking care of the kids! that is one thing that just comes natural. i wont ever leave them, desert them, hurt them. like he did!!!

what does it take to get over it? like i said, i read every post replied to me, so i know i have asked this question b4. it just does not seem humanly possible to get over. that whore and my husband took away precious time from my life. all this time i am spending grieving over the loss of my family life. that whore is a bad evil person. my husband is a sad person. i am very sad about all of this.
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Kuljey,
Grieving the loss of your husband in your daily life and the loss of your hopes & dreams is a part of the process. It's also normal to wonder or dread if you will always feel the way you do now.

You have good reason to be unhappy, but dwelling every moment on just how unhappy isn't good for you.

A couple suggestions. If you have the time, set aside 20 minutes a day completely for you to grieve. But during the rest of the day, shove the thoughts away. You've got the time set aside, so you don't have to think about it the rest of the time.

Don't hate Tuesdays, in fact find something to do on Tuesdays that you love to do (or used to enjoy if actual enjoyment is beyond you right now). Movie night with the kids, bike riding, swimming, picnic or something just for you. I took a belly dancing class this winter, it was really fun--and it was something new to do.

I know what you mean about seeing a couple dancing. When we were separated I'd sometimes look at the woman in the couple and wonder why she could keep her man and I couldn't. I can tell you, that really isn't helpful or healthy thinking.

Try this, when you have that feeling about seeing a couple or family, send up a prayer of thanks for their fortune...because you don't know if they are happy or or maybe giving a reconciliation a try or trying to meet each other's needs to save their marriage.

If you don't pray, then send a positive thought their way. I doubt you actually want every couple in the world to feel like you do, right? What your H & the OW have done is terrible, unfair, scummy and wretched...so when it comes to happy-appearing couples, wish them well, wish them better. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of a karma or reaping what you sow action, putting something positive out there.

Are you getting regular exercise? I'd really recommend that as well. I manage stress so much better when I've been working out. Plus it is a serotonin (natural prozac) boost and knowing you are doing something healthy for your body eventually boosts your self-esteem too.

4 and 5 years ago I was miserable and hopeless, and now I'm so grateful for the way my life is, and it isn't perfect, but I appreciate how much better it is.

Be strong and take care of yourself and your kids.