Hi Spacecase,
I was able to meet up with 2long yesterday for a couple of hours, and we talked a little about you and your amazing journey.

I don't know exactly how you feel right now, having never been there. I can imagine some of what goes on in your mind, some of the things you are thinking. I imagine you go over things again, and wonder. You have some pain, you thought you were ready, but this is something so foreign to you that you can't really be ready for the feelings that come.

It hurts, and sometimes when we hurt, we wish we could somehow mitigate the pain, or change things. You seem to be a realist, and you know how things have to be - but it still hurts.

Ponder something else. What if it didn't hurt, if you had no feelings? If it is bad now, how much worse would that be?
No love?
No anger?
No excitement?
even
No pain?

You will be OK. You know you will.

I don't worry about you - but I feel for you and I care. You do have friends all over the place that care about, and think of you. Here's a pat on the back from one more.

SS

It's interesting to "watch" ourselves; watch the feelings and what they do to us, how they come and go...even when it's hours or days later.

As I think about how I was feeling yesterday, it's amazing just how easy it is to let the "victim" take over again. It's a lot of work to be conscious, present, and to analyze the feelings when they come, really see where they come from, and the REAL reasons for them, even if it's only to identify that the "reason" we thought was responsible really isn't. (When we can't really identify the real reason!).

But when we "do the work" or, like me today after a good night's rest, just feel better and can look on yesterday more objectively and see that all the things I was feeling is just my ego trying to take over again and make me a victim, feel helpless and full of self-pity and doubt.

It's easy to "fall back" into victimhood. When we're not victims at all! We create (or block) our own happiness, our own self-worth, our own marvelous being. Events, actions by others, thoughts of the future, are just the things that happen, and they truly only affect us as much as we allow them to. When we are not present, when we are not "being" and are "doing", it's easy to fall into that trap. The trick is to recognize it, and develop the mechanisms to break away from that an get back to "being".

Incredible life lessons! Wonderful and almost impossible to "explain"...life is good! And even days like yesterday are "good"...they allow us to thank "The Source" for days like today.

All my love!

You continue to amaze and inspire me and I am sure many other lurkers. Thank you. I think of you and pray for your ultimate happiness. Your growth and hard work to do the right thing and your willingness to share with us has done more good than you could possibly know.

I don't feel I have much to offer you other than the certain knowledge that you have touched many and helped make our journey that much easier.
thanks.

Anne,
You are most gracious...the divine in me bows to the divine in you!

SC - Just wanted to send some Moraga love out to you and let you know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers this week. Stay strong and positive, and know that there's a whole bunch of us in your corner. We got your back!

<small>[ June 18, 2003, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: shattered in SF ]</small>

Cadet,

ShatteredinSF is covering you from Moraga....so I am sending support from the south bay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

I'm getting "good vibes" from the Bay Area...seems like old times! LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Most gracious, most gracious!

Good Luck

<small>[ June 18, 2003, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: honey_pie822 ]</small>

SC,

It does seem as if the Bay Area is keeping an eye on you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You really have done well. I think as the date approaches you need to remember one simple thing.

You did all you knew how to do and you did it as well as you could. Your heart was and is in the right place.

JL

<small>[ June 18, 2003, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

EGAD, The dreaded double post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
JL

<small>[ June 18, 2003, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong>SC,
You did all you knew how to do and you did it as well as you could. Your heart was and is in the right place.

JL</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right, JL; that IS all I need to remember when I hit the rough spots.

And even though we may castigate ourselves for "all you knew how to do" or "all you could" not having been enough...even that was all we knew how to do and all we could do...

Peace, Presence, Tranquility!

We're now officially divorced. At 9:50AM Central time today, Judge RK, cowboy boots on, granted us our divorce, and granted D her name change...

Writing what I just wrote made me cry, but I've been OK up until now.
It was a simple thing, really; several cases were before Judge K this morning, and I'm thankful ours was perhaps the only non-contentious one. (Lawyers, petitioners and plaintiffs sat there, not looking at each other, sometimes scurrying of to a corner to work yet another minute, meaningless detail out before appearing before the judge...)
Happily when my attorney showed up (somewhat late) we we able to quickly approach the bench. The judge asked me for the correct pronounciation of our name, and I even joked that he'd pronounced it right, the problem was that we've been spelling it wrong forever!
We were sworn in, and the attorney proceeded to step through a series of questions meant to show the judge that we were in full agreement on everything; the kids, child support, the house, debts, property, etc. He then asked us if we were in full agreement, and if we understood the implication of what we were requesting. We both answered yes, and he pronounced us officially divorced.
Probably the only question I hesitated on was "...your marriage has become unsustainable and you see no possibility of reconciliation which would lead to the re-establishment of a relationship that meets the goals of marriage..." or something to that effect....all that came out was "uhhhhhhhh...yes!"
It was over in less than 5 minutes.

We didn't say much to each other on the trip back (this was in Richmond, which is the county seat, about 15 miles south of where we live) We mostly commented on how the suburbs just keep expanding!
We went back home, I grabbed my stuff, then went to say good-bye before leaving. I hugged her and held her close. Gave her a kiss on the neck, and she pressed her head against mine. I held her for a few momewnts more, hugged her tighter, and left for work.

That's about it. No drama, no climax, just another normal day in every other way. Except we're no longer married.

I'll probably have more thoughts about it later...but for now, that's about it.

Thanks for listening to my rambling...love you all!!!

<small>[ June 21, 2003, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

You're in the thoughts and prayers of many today.

Yep.

It ain't over. This journey has just really begun for you, SC... ...and us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-2long

SC-

I read this and I cried WITH you. Then I went away to reflect on it. I came back, and cried some more...

The tears were bittersweet because they were shed for the loss that your feeling. They are also tears of joy because you are now at the infancy of something MUCH greater than you ever knew before.

I look forward to reading about the lessons that you learn in this new journey. I also look forward to hearing abotu your reflections as time goes on.

As 2long said - It hasn't ended....it's just beginning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless you my friend....

I'm without words...but, you are in my thoughts.

♥Susan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kily:
<strong>SC-

I read this and I cried WITH you. Then I went away to reflect on it. I came back, and cried some more...

The tears were bittersweet because they were shed for the loss that your feeling. They are also tears of joy because you are now at the infancy of something MUCH greater than you ever knew before.

I look forward to reading about the lessons that you learn in this new journey. I also look forward to hearing abotu your reflections as time goes on.

As 2long said - It hasn't ended....it's just beginning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless you my friend....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kily, Kily! You've brought a huge smile to my face! See, I've been lurking your threads a bit, trying to glean some perspective on what others who have tread where I will now tread have to say...so to hear you say you look forward to what I will have to say is, well, almost a contradiction! Isn't humanity wonderful?!

You should visit www.iloveulove.com and the boards there...I believe you'll find them interesting!

My thoughts are with you Space. I am glad you have come out OK... and seem happy despite the pain.

Hope to you and your NEW life. Honey

Strength and serenity to you spacecase...

we move in this universe in what appear to be strange ways...

Godspeed to where you are going...

ARK

Hey Spaceguy,

I sat here and cried when I read about your divorce being final today. I cried for you because I know how very hard you tried to save your marriage. I also cried for me because as heartbreaking as it is for me, I am afraid I will not be long behind you. WH and I have been separated almost three weeks and, at this very moment, just two weeks before our third anniversary, he is on the other side of the pond visiting OW. He has been gone since Monday and hasn't even once picked up the phone to see how our son is, much less me. That pretty much tells me all....

Again, hugs to you on this very sad day.

Regards,

BB on the Northside.

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 10:27 PM: Message edited by: Brit's Brat ]</small>