I've posted a couple times and have received some great help, but I will quickly explain my situation. H moved out in 2/15/03. Is still having A with OW (she is 21, he is 42). We have 1 daughter who is 6. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage ages 22, 20 and 18. I raised these kids thru their teen years. I have up and down days. I have tried to get him to look at this site with me and have emailed him some pages. He is in the midst of an infatuation fog. He even saw a urologist to see if he could have his vacectemy (sp?) reversed. Since OW is so young she wants a family!

So I have asked him back, I have had days of shouting at him, I have had days of depression. What I am trying now is to distance myself from him. It is really hard especially since we have a child, but every time I think of calling him, I call my friend instead. When I feel like emailing him, I check out this discussion forum. And whenever we see each other (like when he picks up D), I am always very nice to him.

Here's the problem, I'm not sure if what I am doing is going to make him think I don't need him or want him back. I did ask him to let us try again and he said he loved this OW too much (I should use the letter OG as other GIRL). I couldn't help myself and called him last night after our D played catcher on the softball team. I said that I had to call him and tell him about it because he was really the only person in the world who would appreciate it. Was that wrong? In some ways I feel like doing those things will help to show him there are still feelings. But on the other hand, I feel like I shouldn't have had to call him, he should have been there and since he wasn't, he doesn't deserve to know about it.

Thanks so much for letting me vent here. Just need to know if I'm on the right track. I so want to write a letter to OW, but know I shouldn't. So I'm writing here instead.
Thanks

Are you in Plan A or Plan B? If you are not sure, click on the link in my signature line.

I have been trying Plan A, but husband is in very thick fog and wants nothing to do with me and with trying to save our marriage. He isn't mean to me, pays child support and he says things like, "I never wanted to hurt you." But he also has said flat out that he loves this other woman and does not want to jeopardize that relationship to take a chance to see if ours can be saved. I know I am supposed to take into consideration the "fog" he's in. So I am continuing to be kind to him, I don't say mean things or show my anger to him anymore. But I'm afraid he, since he's in this fog, will think I have moved on and when his A ends, he won't come back to me.