N2N -

Hee! I can just imagine your son's face when he saw the bubbles! That's a great image, and thank you very much for posting it. I don't know about anyone else, but there is true delight for me in such things. It's not just the childish humor, but the true joy of a child FINDING that humor that I love. Thank you very, very much.

Thanks Just J, you should have seen it, it was the best laugh I had in a long time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am glad you got a smile from it because you gave me on with your post, how are you doing today, hope it is happier one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope you have a Happy Halloween. Hang in there and I hope everyone else is doing well.

<small>[ October 31, 2003, 01:01 AM: Message edited by: Uncondital Love ]</small>

Thank you and I hope you do also. We, me and the boys are doing good, we are getting ready for Halloween. Happy Halloween to all and a safe one.

Thanks to all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I'm ready!!!Please are you here. I think no I am preaty sure H had zack met ow with out me knowing.

N2N,

Calm down, breathe slowly. I think I can hear your hyperventilating all the way out here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Can you tell us what happened?

L.

Sorry for any bad typing. Just wanted to get this off my chest!!!! Remember when I said that H was taking van to put the tires I bought on the van and fixing the window? Well he did come yesterday and he took the van and Zack. I had no problem with that and Zack wanted to go to daddys work. I'm going to make a long story short.

When zack got home he had a great time and all was fixed and then when getting ready for bed Zack asked me why daddy kissed that woman in the drive tru????? Now I was a little confused becaused they had went to get a burger and went thru the drive thru and that threw me off, and he said no at daddys work. I held tight for son not to see me getting fired up!!!! I said what happened and he said daddy kissed a woman and said see you at home, I asked him if the woman told son bye and he said no. Did she say it was nice to met you and I'll see you later. Y son said, no she never talked to me just said Hi Zack. Zack said mom she knew my name and I didn't tell her. Zack said he asked his dad if that was ow and he said no. That is to far for me he lied to him yson, and never said a word about it to me.

Please everyone I am sorry for stepping on anyone toes, but I am fighting for my family here, I am ready body, mind and soul. Last straw was taken!! by H. He either wants this marriage or not.

thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2003, 07:37 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

ps to top post I wrote we had a wonderful Halloween and he was just full of nice things to say and was so kind. I did it again for the last time that sucking sound ark talked about before it has hit my ears I hear and see it clear!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2003, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

N2N,

Even if 1/2 of what your son said happened, what your H allowed and participated in was rude and disrespectful to you and your child.

Sit down and type, read, edit a letter to your H expressing your disapproval. Don't send it just type it. This will help you reduce some of your anger while putting your thoughts down in writing.

This NOT a little miscarriage of justice. This is a biggie.

Don't tell your H anything yet. Do you have a lawyer? Check out separation options and what the courts in your area say about a parent who deliberately causes emotional damage to their child.

Another friend on the d/d site said the OW asked her 4 year old son if he would like another mommy. The ow and her 2 year old child lives with his father in the family's newly built custom house. The WS kicked out his wife and child then a few months later moved in the OW and her child. Talk about cruel and inhumane treatment. The little boy has to visit his dad and see another child sleep in his room and play with his toys.

L.

No I have not talkied to a lawyer. I will write the letter I really wrote something like that last nite. I don't want to be here when he comes Wed. This is one thing out of all of this that I asked him not to do and he did it!!!!That is it I want Plan B. He has no right taken eveything from me he does not care what I say or he would not have done that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Am I right or wrong?

Ow must have been working and that is how all of this happened. Zack didn't want to talk about it no more after he asked. He didn't seam to be that upset about it, just asking about it. Of course I was upset more then him. I did good not showing it. We went on to read a book and then when I went to work, I cried all the way.

Thanks to all <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

N2N -

Yep, sounds like you're emotionally ready for Plan B. So.... like Orchid said, deeeeeeeep breaths are called for.

Have you done everything you needed to do in Plan A?

Have you planned out your Plan B?

Are you in contact with Cerry or one of the Harleys to help you with implementation?

Do you have your intermediary in place? Have you planned how you're going to transition your kids without seeing or interacting with your spouse?

Do you have all the other things in place that you need to have in place?

It's extremely hard to do this when you're furious. It's also extremely hard to do when you're in that other place of devastation where the tears just won't stop.

So if you have to, just write the letter and take your kids somewhere else for a while so you can calm down and get the rest of the plan set.

And remember, you have a huge cheering section over here!

Just J, Thank You <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and yes I have things in order. I had read in a post a while back that you should just in case this day would ever come and you were so mad. The only thing I lack is I have not gotten in touch with a lawyer about us and no I have not contacted Cerry or the Harleys.

I really think I have done a great Plan A. H was just saying things Friday to me that I have not heard from him in a long time. I was getting sucked back into their little world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I feel this was put in front of my face to get me back on the track. If I go to Plan B I want to Friday. I want to see what you guys think about my letter. I will not be here when he is here this Wed. I also want this to all sink in my head and cool down. I have been deeply hurt by him again and I keep letting it happen! I need to stop! He either wants to work on this marriage or not it has been almost two years. Thank you for your time and caring.

Thanks to ALL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2003, 09:20 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

N2n,

{{{hugz}}}} You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

No2

I think you need plan B for you..to save yourself from living with the abnormal becoming normal..

creating normalcy out of abnormal living patterns is an isidious beast...it creeps up on us ...and it isn't till we really step away and stop our own participation in something that we can see really bizarre we had let our "normal" world become...

I think you should mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for a strict plan B even though with your little one it will most likely be somewhat modified..
BUT I think you have to be in control of how modified it is..

basically he comes over all the time to visit...
are you going to stop this...or are you going to go away every time he comes over?

Read on justfoundout...lots of good posts lately with Plan b tips...(from the best)...

Also he is used to spending all the holidays with you...
have you thought about this...are you going to stop this..

Know that it will be easy to fall into the trap as him perceiving (accusing) you of using your son to manipulate him...be clear on your path of Plan B that it does not limit the access to him...but it can limit the physical place of that access...and be on his time schedule alone..

NO2 for whatever reason you believe people don't want to help you..it's not true..

you had chosen a path of pretty much continueing on status quo...which is fine it is your choice....

it's just that status quo won't illicit any changes in you or others...

that doesn't mean other people don't care or support..there's just not much to say or offer when that is the choice that is made..

much luck and strength..
think this through each scenario..
what are your holiday plans...??

ARK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ark^^:
<strong> No2

I think you need plan B for you..to save yourself from living with the abnormal becoming normal..

creating normalcy out of abnormal living patterns is an isidious beast...it creeps up on us ...and it isn't till we really step away and stop our own participation in something that we can see really bizarre we had let our "normal" world become...


(NO2) Could not have said it better, hit it right on the nail.



I think you should mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for a strict plan B even though with your little one it will most likely be somewhat modified..
BUT I think you have to be in control of how modified it is..


(No2)Modified is not a word that will be used in this Plan B NO!NO! Pla B is what it will be.


basically he comes over all the time to visit...
are you going to stop this...or are you going to go away every time he comes over?


(Nos2)Asked Zack if he is ready to go to Daddy house he said yes and if he likes going over there and feels good about it then that will take place if not I will leave before he gets here. Have already talked with some friends and they will sit here till he gets here. MIL is going plan B with me.


Read on justfoundout...lots of good posts lately with Plan b tips...(from the best)...


(Nos2)I will do that.


Also he is used to spending all the holidays with you...
have you thought about this...are you going to stop this..


(No2s)Talked and thought about it not no more Halloween was his last one!



Know that it will be easy to fall into the trap as him perceiving (accusing) you of using your son to manipulate him...be clear on your path of Plan B that it does not limit the access to him...but it can limit the physical place of that access...and be on his time schedule alo


(Nos2)I am not telling him what Zack told me about Saturday . I am not talking to him and stayin away so he has no way to me!



NO2 for whatever reason you believe people don't want to help you..it's not true.

you had chosen a path of pretty much continueing on status quo...which is fine it is your choice....


(Nos2)It is not fine the path I was on and I will say it d@m A$$ is the word for me in the past few month



it's just that status quo won't illicit any changes in you or others...

that doesn't mean other people don't care or support..there's just not much to say or offer when that is the choice that is made..


(Nos2)Here you and can understand that!!!!Got it! Thanks




much luck and strength..
think this through each scenario..
what are your holiday plans...??

ARK </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Sorry about the sloppy post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I tried to do the "" thing and I didn't do it right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> so I went back and put (Nos2) by my answers and I thank you for your time.

Thnaks to All

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 06:07 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

I will be starting my Plan B Wed. tomorrow. I will not be here when he gets here, a friend will be here till h gets here. Not given him the letter till I see what you all think about it. I want to leave the letter for him Friday,or Sunday of this week.

Thanks to all.

OK,how is this letter?


H,

This is a hard letter to write, but I can no longer ignore the pain and emptiness of the last year and a half. I love you very much. I am in love with you H ,but I know its time to give up fate of our marriage to God and I pray that he works through us to heal these wounds. When I said my marriage vows, and said "I DO" I made you a promise and God that I would stay with you for life. I meant it to. That meant for better or worse. I want very much to remain married to you always.

I realize that the mistakes we made helped to make our marriage vulnerable to this affair. I am sorry for my mistakes and I have been working hard to understand and learn how to prevent those things from ever happening again. I have changed and become a better person and I want the opportunity to show you that. I can be the wife and friend you disire. I wish I could go back and change the mistakes I have made in the past, but I can't. I have how ever address the things that hurt our marriage and change the future. I want to be your wife, and for you to be my husband we are both worthy of and deserve.

The pain of this continued affair is so hurtful to me, that it is destroying my love for you.The only way to protect the love I have left is to end any contact with you until you end the affair and commit to our marriage and stop seeing OW,when you have ended the A, you may contact me and let me know. I will welcome the chance to discuss our marriage and its recovery. Please honor my request and stop communicating to me until that happens. I am not closing the door on our marriage. I am proctecting my love for you from further harm.

I realize I have to take care of me now and the kids. I can only control me now and keep changing myself for the better. Only you can control you and change you,if you choose to. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply.

It really hurts to keep hopeing ,and praying,wishing,trying and feeling rejected continuousty. I beleive enough in you and in me that we can both come to be a team in marriage, where we cherish each other as much as we cherish our vows.

If you need to get in contact with me about Yson tell your mother she can give me your message or email me at---------.


I LOVE YOU!
with
ALL My Heart&Soul
Your Wife

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

I can be your wife and best friend and I know our marriage can be saved if you will come home.
I want very much to remain married to you always.

careful No2...sounds to much like just come home and we can forget everything...

re-word it..I want to be the wife, and for you to be the husband we are both worthy of and deserve.

I need to learn to move on, if that is the way it is to be so we both can live fuller lives.

dont' tell him this...
Cake-eaters want re-assurance that you can and will move on with out them...you can and will but don't tell him that..to much of an easy out...

You are all I want in a husband,a daddy for the kids,and a best friend.

wrong no2 his actions of late have been the last thing your want in a husband, daddy or best friend...don't tell him this...

tell him..
I beleive enough in you and in me that we can both come to be a team in marriage, where we cherish eachother as much as we cherish our vows..
or something like that....

If you need to talk about YS call me for that only!

can you go to email..what about the part about third party..etc...set clear boundaries what plan b..is...

No2 I am not good at critiquing plan b letters..perhaps seek out too much coffee man in your title or melody for feed back...


your in my thoughts and prayers today..
ARK

Thanks ark, I will fix that tomorrow need to get ready for work.I thank you for your time.

Ok, I DID IT!!!!! I was not here when he got here and I'll tell you what my stomach was so sick. The friend I had to stay here something came up and was not able to be here, so my neighbor was outside with here son and I asked her and she helped. I told her she doesn't know how much that ment to me. I gave her a quick briefing and I was off.

She said he was real lost about it. He kept asking her question and she really didn't know the answers. I need to get this letter to him. He wanted to know why I didn't call to tell him. Why I went to the libary?

Then she told him when he is ready to go just bring Yson over there and he said no I'll want for her.She didn't know what to do so she was real happy when I called her before I drove down our Street. She then walked over here and said that I had called her and it was ok for him to go that I was running late and I'll be here shortly. He said well I just called (her)(never saying ow name) and said I would be late. Then he said, ok I guess I'll just go onto the hospital. Neighbor said hospital? H said ya her mother has cancer. Sister gallbladder. Then he left.

You know this is more then likely not a good time for Plan B for him? What do I do? Ow mother maybe dieing.I am sorry that she is sick.I can only image my mother and how I would feel if she had cancer. I am still willing to go on with it but do you all think it will change the out look to all of this in his eyes that I am being selfish?

Thanks to all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ November 05, 2003, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>