Thanks Star*fish. I want to feel again, not just putting in the move that I have to just to get through the day and H gets to go play happy life.

It is not fair! Our marriage was not that bad. What can I do? I really see nothing. I am at a dead end and I am starting to cry right now and this is bull**it. All I want to do is say lets get the lawyers and then I can quit wondering and wondering what I will have to do next.

I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMAN AGAIN!!!!I WANT HELD AND TO FEEL SAFE.I AM THERE FOR THE BOYS AND THERE IS NOBODY HERE FOR ME ANYMORE.THE TITLE WIFE HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM ME AND I DON'T LIKE THAT. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks to All

No2

couple questions
couple scenarios..
couple ways to go...

1. file official seperation...which I know nothing about....

2. Go official plan B...with no contact...
none what so ever...with a go between..his mother...perhaps...

3. establish clear legal limitations about young sons exposure to OP...and establish visitation elsewhere....

Have you thought of exposure on her end of the stick...do people know you two are still married...
have you considered calling and talking to her...I know you beleive that lowers you to her standards...but is she aware of the things he tells you...vs what exactly he is telling her???

what does he SAY about you and he...
what does he SAY to you about anything...
does he say he is not in love with you
does he say he wants a divorce...
what in gods name does he say....

no2 you are very brave
ark...and have held in their longer than I have cause I would have had to have someone remove all sharp objects from my home each time he came over...

ark

what does he SAY about you and he...
Nothing, this is not the time

what does he SAY to you about anything...
Well He wanted to save the house then we will talk, Grass is not green on the other side, He is not in love over there and again nothing we'll talk later.


does he say he is not in love with you
No


does he say he wants a divorce...
No


what in gods name does he say....
This is not the time to talk about this and what he wrote in responds to my Plan B letter

That is all he says. I don't think he liked how I answered him either, if he did want to come home, NO CONTACT with her that means finding another job.

I did call their house when his mother was in hospital and I spoke to her mother and she asked who was calling and I said his WIFE. She got quit for a min. I don't want to mess with OW mother or her family Ow mother has cancer. When and if I call him at work and leave a message I say his wife. They get quit also. hehe

Thanks Ark
Ps. all sharp objects have been removed along time ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I am not always here either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

n2n,

The hardest part of Plan B is the wait. But here's the deal...you shouldn't be waiting. Waiting means you are concentrating on HIM. Plan B is about you. Aside from an affair of your own....you SHOULD be creating as much fun in your life as you can manage. Follow ark's advice about making these steps formal. And refocus your energy on the things that enrich you...that will help you be whole...whether he comes back or not.

Will tell more tomorrow, told H was filing for separation papers. Going to work now.
Thanks for your time star*fish

I told H was going to file for separation papers. Well, I did it so be it. Thanks Ark getting tax money and going to file for divorce. H said why separation it has been over a year. I said no problem we can go straight for divorce.

Here is how it all came about>

I have been having problems with my van and I need it fixed, H knows that, it will cost me without H doing the work around 1,800.00 to fix the transmission is going in it and there are other things also. Well, this deal came in at his work today and H called me and told me, I said I cannot take on the payment, it sounds nice and all. Well, H said I'll drive it over there and you can take a look at it. So he did, I drove it liked it. I still can't.

Long store short H said he would get it in his name and mine. I listened and he just kept going on and on he looked at me and he said what. I said I think I better tell you this I was using my tax money to get the separation papers filed. H said it has been over a year. I said OK then we'll go straight to the divorce.(guess what he said guys?)

This is not the time to talk about it you need a car. I know this is not the time to talk about that I just wanted you to know before this goes any further. You keep putting things into yours and my name like we are together and I don't want you to come back later and say I used you to get a car?

H said, who called who for this car? I said you called me. H said OK then. I said I just wanted you to know. H said, I am not using tax money on no lawyer. I said, I am and if you want we can use one lawyer. H said well that only works if both parties are agreeable. I said that is true, and that was that. Y son came in the room and H went to play daddy before he left.

I knew I was wasteing all this time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I should have done this a long time ago. H does not want me. I'm starting to wonder if he ever did.I hate this. What am I doing guys? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Thanks to all

I am feeling so lost and empty. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I hate feeling this way! I feel stupid for being so confused and lost. Has anyone else felt this way is this another stage?I feel someone has chosen my life and I did not have a choice in doing it. It was there one day and then SLAM it was gone not only for me, also my boys and family.

I really thought that I had someone that truly loved me and would go to the end of the world for me. It makes me wonder if I can believe anyone ever again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I have tried to move on, but my family was me if you know what I mean. I did everything for them. I have tried my hardest to keep it going and moving forward and trying to look happy and strong. Now that makes me lying to them. This is not what I wanted, why did it happen? I gave it what I had was it not enough?

Who is she to do this? What kind of person does this? Not one that I thought when I told him I loved him till death do us apart. Who and what right do they have to rock my world and get the glory from it? I want to face her so bad, but I know she is not of my level and her face would haunt me for life.

I can't even have a calm moment when I pray to God anymore. My mind is taken right to her and I do pray for her and her family then I cry feeling a fool praying for her to be forgiven, but I do wish her mother strength to be strong in her sickness. I feel so lost. I know God is there and he has his plan and I hope I take the path that I need to take. It is so hard to start all over again when you thought you were half way there in your life and makeing those plan when you get older and those wish and hopes then SLAM!!!!

I really wrote this for myself to get it out of me. I thought I would post it here,if anyone else is feeling this way to know your are not the only one. It is hard to put it into words. I can think of one sentence, they have altered my life for good and my children. The oldest one I feel will look at things much different in relationships, my youngest his is altered for life and I feel that is one of the most selfish things anybody can do.

This is a man that would hold me and would say you are my world and I will never let anything happen to you, I love you, You are my wife and lover, and I will take care of you, I will never hurt you. This is what I heard for eighteen years. I know I was not that stupid!!! This is the man I brought the walls down from around my heart to let in and I believed. Now the walls are going back up, how to believe again? That will be very hard to get these walls gone again and that will hold me back I know.

My husband took a big piece of me when he walked out that door that night and I wish I had that safety and love back for me. I am a very caring and giving person and I will and can say I love him with all of me! Heart, mind, and soul.

Thank you all for putting up with me and I hope when I grow up I will be like you guys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Oh how sad. I know how you feel though. That is exactly how I feel. I have good days and bad days. And the bad outweigh the good. I feel the same way. Some nasty person just came in a stole my whole life away. She took everything I had and everything that I knew in one night. She ruined my life and my kids lives. It is a frightening feeling to be alone after so many years. My H loved me like the world. I have a hard time believing it also. Sometimes I wake up in the night and think I am have a nightmare and I look and his dresser is still gone. Then reality hits. Just take it one day at a time, that is how I do it now. I am growing up and becoming a survivor and a strong person for me and my kids. Everyday gets a little tiny bit brighter. Just keep laughing with your kids. Remember to live for them not for WH. You should never life for someone else, this I have learned. When you are dependent on someone for so many years that is what ends up happening. You need to live for you and your kids. Not for him. You can do this, you really can. We are here for you. Post, Post Post. Pray and just live.

No2no,

This is exactly how I feel a moment agao. I just talked to a ministor in Canada. He prayed with me on the phone. I am amazingly peaceful now. I was crying so bad before that. I know that I need to keep praying. Let's all do. NY, your advice is good.

Thanks HNY I just posted to Mortarman about you also. My H has a strong military back ground also and you got me to thinking on your question to him.

Thanks Lostinhurt @ HNY for your posts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and I hope things get better for you all also. If I did not have my children I don't know what I would do, and that keeps that smile and hope in my heart to keep going.

Is it not like some bad dream. You are just there one day as a family and then SLAM! What do they think? How do they think? What do they feel? Do you wonder these question also?

I am taken small steps but,it will be a long haul. Thanks for posting to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi N2,

Well, I am certainly sorry to see you so down in the dumps. We have all been there, though. Yes, someone did come in and take away something very precious to you, but remember, as awful as we consider the OP, and awful they are, our WP is just as awful, at least right now while they are wandering and fog-bound.

I know it is very difficult to not completely focus on her, on him, on them together. However, Hopeless is right on target. You need to FORCE your focus elsewhere - and where better than your kids? Love them, enjoy them, for before you know it, they will be gone and these days of happiness with them will be a distant memory. Just as you want to know that you have given your marriage every possible chance, you also need to know that you didn't waste a single moment doing something silly (like focusing on your H and OW) when you could have spent it with your children.

Keep posting, N2N. You know we love you!

Hugs - BIG ONES - to you!

Thanks Sparkle for the post and the HUGS much needed. Hope you are doing well.Please let me know.

Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks Sparkle for the post and the HUGS much needed. Hope you are doing well.Please let me know.

Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am so <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I want to stay married, I
also want my mind at rest. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Will it
ever be at rest one way or the other?

I am not getting any younger here.

How long is to long and don't tell me it is up to how I feel. I'm worried that I am sending the wrong message to my boys.

I need some rest thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hey,
You're emails are being returned to me undeliverable! Check the address you gave me and I'll try again.

I don't know what to say? I am still feeling very low. This marriage stuff has has been going on and on it has to stop. There has to be something to rock the boat and all that I AM seeing is D.

I really don't want it but... God come on what else is there? I am so very tired and I have asked and pretty much begged for help,I thank you all for your time and help and I'm no more ahead then I was two years ago with my marriage. I am ahead in the area of myself. I have grown to better myself and seen what I had did wrong in the marriage. That is all that has happened in these two years

I wish someone can really give me some straight answers. I want to yell and scream. I want to hit him I want him to hurt. He could not handle a once of what I have been thru.

That is what scares me, I am NOT that type of person who wants to cause pain. God.... I don't even want to say what I want to do to her and that is bad, she didn't just miss with me she missed with my boys to. She knew we were married. I can see if she didn't know me from hell of high water that doesn't make it better but, she knew H was married and had kids. Well Hell so did he [censored] he aint even that he is the whole A$$.

I am sorry you all I have two years of this built up inside of me and it does change my every day life from what it was. I don't like all of this hate and anger built up in me.

Like I said it is not me and I can't get it to go away. H will not talk with me about anything that has to do with us. H says," we'll talk later" well **** it has been over two years when may that be??? I haven't asked him to talk since Aug. I don't know what the hell he wants or were he is going in his so called life! I need to get a grip on mine and soon when it comes to him!

I am not asking for him to move right back home but, give me some kind of answers. If you are happy then go. Tell me what is this keeping me hanging on What!?!????

Now that I feel worse and my mind is really flying I don't even know if I should post this. I want answers and I have the right to them!! I want my... do you here ME my LIFE back. There that feels a little better very little that I just yelled that in my head .HELP<SOS

Where do I go from here? I am at the end of my line! I am not...? I don't know??I know you all are going to think I am crazy. All I know is I hurt and I want the pain to stop PLEASE stop the pain, guide me to stop it weather it is with my H or not It has to stop please!

Don't go there with the Plan B stuff I did it and my time is up with that, now what? PLAN D???? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

THANK YOU ALL FOR LETTING ME VENT!!!

<small>[ March 30, 2004, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

no2...

lets be honest..you never did a full plan b..
you never ever confronted the OW..and while that's a mixed bag...in your case I think it is something too seriously look at...

you post and disappear...

you turn it around on the people that give you advice...and find fault with us...

you "try" to talk to him about things..he says...not now..and you roll over and go belly up and say OK....
we can talk later and later never ever comes....because you never make it later...
confront him at work
confront him with email...
confront him with legal papers....

does he STILL come to your house to visit son??

do you STILL call it plan b....just because you lay low when he is there...

none of this is to blame you..
but to feel in control you have to take control no2...

this is exactly what you have let it become...face that...
accept that...
and change it...

serve him papers...shake him up...
your compliance with doing this his way...is pretty close to a stamp of approval...even when you didn't mean it...

I think you have to get tough...regardless of your desire to be a "good person"...standing up for yourself does not make you a bad person....

you can only hide behind that for so long....

if you want to be married then fight for your marriage...

ARK

and I still love you...!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I have put up a good fight for this marriage and I did do what was a good plan B for ME ME! I stayed away I didn't just lay low.

I said thank you to every one here that was what I was saying. I think it is him that don't get what I have been doing with what I have learned on here and else were. You all have always been there for me, H hasn't with answers. I didn't want answers from you all I was in my head talking about H. He is the one that needs to give up on some answers. First you all say don't push him on talk about the marriage so I didn't I thought it would be a LB to push.

Forget it! I should have just stayed where I was at and let my post go away just like I wish I could. I am belly up and **** it. I don't care anymore. Like I said I should have not posted it.

Thanks ark you are a good cyber friend and I do thank you for that. Sorry and you always have been there for me with the 2x4.


Forget it I should have just stayed where I was at and let my post go away just like I wish I could.

No2.... I've missed you. I hope that this anger and hurt isn't your norm right now. If it is, then please find a way to protect yourself from more harm, and please find a way to work through the anger and the pain. For you, for how you decorate the inside of your soul, not for anyone else.

You said you did Plan B for you. So what has it done for you?

Plan B made me strong and the more my eyes opened I began to see that if you looked up the word DUM A$$ it would say No2nos beside it. I gave myself a time table for plan B and it is over. Now it is time for Plan D. What else is there?

Thanks for asking Just J and I hope everything is ok for you.