Every story is different. Here's mine. Ill try to keep it short.

Have been married for 18-1/2 years. Have a beautiful 10-1/2 year old daughter. I always thought our marriage was a good, but I guess my wife has felt otherwise for years. I'll admit I say stupid and sometime hurtful thing every now and again.

Several years, after our daughter was born, my wife insisted that we go to MC. I did begrudgingly. In retrospect I think these were actually "b**ch* sessions", because I don't recall ever getting any good advice from the therapist and my wife had plenty to say.

About five years ago my wife's mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she died about three years ago. Since then my wife has gone off the deep end. Our marriage is in shambles. I finally talked her into going to therapy last year, but I don't think she wanted to learn anything. Just another b**ch session. After there sessions my wife decided to quit. Since then I have read many books, have been to IT for myself and have in general just tried to "back off". She's still living at home, in another bed room, no OM, but constantly saying she doesn’t want ti stay married

Here's my question

How do you make deposits in the "love bank" if your SO has such a negative schema (bias) of you.?

<small>[ November 29, 2003, 10:05 AM: Message edited by: Put Out ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Put Out:
<strong>How do you make deposits in the "love bank" if your SO has such a negative schema (bias) of you.? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Welcome to MB.

Why has to be her ? ... you are the one that has to change. She beleive that there is no hope in you and in M. I don't beleive she has to "learn" anything from IC, you are !. You blew it again and again and again, sorry I have to wake you up.

Situation is not as hopeless as it seems but it depends on what you do.

Now, what are her complaints about you ?. Show her that you could change. Not with words but actions ... ! Read about HNHN & LB, you need to learn it. She is snapped and unable right now.

Don't say a word about R but do everthing that she complaint about you ... change!. Show her that she is worth every effort that you have in your gut for her.

If you could afford it please call MB to have counseling. The clock is ticking on your M.

-rh-

Thanks RH.

I agree with every word you said. I always thought I was a quick learner, but I'm an idiot when it comes to relationships.

I guess the bottom line is that I should be thinking of her exclusively and not about "my" love bank account. If my bank account is overdrawn, so be it. My love should be directed towards her, and her alone.

PS: If readers haven't noticed I posted the original in the wrong forum. S/!B under Infidelity

<small>[ November 29, 2003, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: Put Out ]</small>

Put Out,

Yes, you need to ammend her and hope she would see the love in you through your actions.

The best way is by fillin the top 5 ENs of hers, and unless she hate you to the bone, most people will not reject their ENs being fillin !. It feels good and addictive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Her complaint about you would reveal her tops ENs. Those are greivence against yoy since her ENs is numet.

Good Luck -rh-