hummingbirdfred,

Your post is awesome. thank you for the validation and reassurance.I am glad that I started this thread. The concern,kindness,and encouragement of everyone here is what I needed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I've learned that: We have been damaged. There is no time set for healing. Everyone heals differently. I've learned my hurt should not be minimized, but I've also learned to communicate it in a way that is positive and without anger. I've learned that it is important to let your WS know when you are hurting and the things that trigger the hurt because I've learned that he broke you and he needs to play a part in fixing you. I've learned that I am not the only one who goes through these kind of emotions. I've learned that I am not the bad guy for having them.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">((((((HBF)))))) Words of help and healing. Thank you. I sincerely appreciate your thoughts and prayers. kk

Gosh, I know what you mean about triggers. Normally, I love this time of year. I enjoy buying gifts for my wife often go a bit overboard trying to get her something she will really like but would never think of. It was fun.

I said was. This year I am having a hard time buying anything for WW. While shopping I saw several couples out shopping together and having a good time. I got so depressed I stopped shopping and went to the park an slept in the car. Even the Anti-D's can't fix this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Auto, I am sorry that you are going through the devastation of this betrayal. My heart goes out to you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Gosh, I know what you mean about triggers. Normally, I love this time of year. I enjoy buying gifts for my wife often go a bit overboard trying to get her something she will really like but would never think of. It was fun.

I said was. This year I am having a hard time buying anything for WW. While shopping I saw several couples out shopping together and having a good time. I got so depressed I stopped shopping and went to the park an slept in the car. Even the Anti-D's can't fix this one.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope that you will be able to salvage your M and be in recovery soon. It is so good that you are still trying to find your WS that perfect gift. Good Plan Aing.It is about being and doing what attracts her back to you.Giving her reasons to let go of the OM and decide that she is losing someone she would regret not having in her life.So hard to do when your heart and mind are broken in pieces but worth it if you want your M.

TooMuchCoffeeMan has wonderful links and info at the bottom of his posts. I consider him to be the "guru" of the forum. He is wonderfully wise and informed. He can help you,Auto, as can many others who post here.Hang in there. As Pepperband told me a long time ago. Finding out about the A is like "someone placing a hand grenade in your chest and pulling the pin." I hope that you can find some healing balm for your wounds and your broken heart.

Please do not be sleeping in your car. It is not a safe thing to do this day and time.
Thanks for sharing with me.I wish you the best. kk

Thanks to you all for letting me know that I'm not alone in how I am feeling.

King's Kid, I'm new in this process but I share your feelings exactly. I have feelings of hatred for the OW... I think the holidays will never be the same...although my FWH is being wonderful.

I do share with him my feelings when I am hurting and he does try to help in his own way.

I've used Pepperband's thought process to help me cope.

Also the Wellbutrin really works!!!!

Take Care. You are not alone. I appreciate you being there. Wish I could reach out and hug you because I know exactly how you feel.

Mimi, I have thought about you and was very glad to see your update recently. I was concerned about posting this thread because I did not want to discourage you or anyone else that has reported a good recovery happening in their lives. I realize now that it is not just me and the possiblility of being crazy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Mimi,I truly hope that we will get past all of this some day and it will merely be a memory without all of the pain.We will know it happened but we will no longer feel the sick feeling of our WS's being with OW and the agony in our hearts and minds.Time,Mimi,time and continuing to do the right things.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Take Care. You are not alone. I appreciate you being there. Wish I could reach out and hug you because I know exactly how you feel.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you kind lady. ((((((Mimi)))))) I needed that. I wish you the best in your continued recovery. I am proud of you and how you stuck in there following MB, the wise advice of many posters who helped guide and encourage you. May you find peace within your heart and mind. kk

KK,

I just wanted to thank you for starting this thread. It's a terrific blessing! Thanks CSue

I love this thread, too. It helps to know that I am not alone, that you guys are having my exact same feelings and thoughts. Yesterday my H asked me about a CD that he was looking for. He asked me did I throw it away. Just him asking me about that CD brought tears to my eyes. He had left a note to me about a year ago asking me to listen to a song on there on which the man was saying that he did not love his wife anymore. He had gone off that night with the OW. I can't remember if I threw the CD away or not. I probably did.

Auto:

When my H was gone, I hated shopping the worse. I hated seeing couples together. It would make me so depressed.

Now my H goes shopping with me. It is like a dream come true. I told him so. Thank God for MIRACLES!!!!!!

<small>[ December 10, 2003, 10:26 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

CSue, You are welcome.The posts have been a lot of help to me and to know that it has been something positive for someone else, lifts me even higher.
I so greatly appreciate your kindness and concern. I wish you good and wonderful days ahead.kk


Mimi, I am glad it has been a help to you.It does help to know we are not alone. I am not ever glad that anyone else has these same struggles but to know there are others who understand and care does mean a lot to me.

Pepperband tells me I am not crazy. I just needed to have that validated once more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Mimi, maybe your FWH thought about the CD and was planning to throw it away himself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> If he continues to ask about it,maybe you could gently remind him about the song and the timing of the purchase. Let him know that with as wonderful as the two of you are doing,you would not want to take a chance on anything bringing up negative feelings for either of you.
If there are other songs on the CD that he wants to hear,maybe you could find them on a different CD. Many artists do a collection of previously recorded songs on a later CD.
I hope that you have continued success in your recovery. Thank you for taking time to post to me. kk

Today is our 15th wedding anniversary. I have had a problem celebrating it since the A but this year,especially after all of the response on this thread,I feel good about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Some of the rewriting the hard drive stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Thanks everyone. kk

<small>[ December 10, 2003, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: kings kid ]</small>